#the breaking is probably because i originally tried to use percentages for everything but then that sucked so i used pixel lengths for the

[emptylotfiasco]

also you cant zoom out because it will break everything

[kalina-c]

(Dark Souls/Elden Ring posting) Split Damage Doesn't Suck. In fact it is the best damage in the game for a significant percentage of situations and setups.

Part 2 (ctrl-f “so let’s count up the ways”) Part 3

Stumbled upon a youtube review of elden ring's daggers and rapiers, the critical hit weapons, in response to patch 1.10 the patch specifically buffing ripostes and backstabs, and the first and constant thing the youtuber says is that Split Damage Sucks?

My friends, Split Damage is so very specifically the final form of specifically critical hits in particular that Chaos Daggers have been the parry king weapon of dark souls 3 since forever.

There's a hundred and one details about how "split damage sucks" came to be accepted wisdom and why it's actually wrong in way more situations than you'd think, but in the first place, just, if you're looking for a good dagger for backstabs and ripostes, Split Damage Is The Absolute Best. A weapon that gives you elemental damage right away without any whetstones/ash hunting just yet, and on the weapon class that specifically multiplies elemental damage in particular to high numbers on its signature attack? Surprisingly good utilization of the game systems! (The weapon in question might suck, but for entirely different reasons than being the same damage type as the kind of Misericorde that can do ~3k ripostes.)

Split damage weapons are so good at crits that a dark souls 3 character with fire gem starting gift and a Fire Dagger +0 as soon as you reach Firelink gets a gigantic 500-600 damage one-shot weapon for absolute free, on like nearly everything in the early game. Conventional wisdom was that the best lightweight riposte in dark souls 1 was a normal +15 rapier with a damage buff applied, which is hilariously easily disproven by side-by-side testing with any Chaos or Enchanted Rapier maxed out in the same game.

So anyway, let's get into the really autistic detailed breakdown of the whole thing right after the break.

So why does "Split Damage Suck"?

Probably someone tried a magic weapon on their pure physical build and found it to do less damage than a pure physical weapon with a buff applied. They then needed an explanation for why that happens.

I don't know if that's exactly what happened, but going by the way "split damage sucks" reacts to the fact of elemental damage and the lightning infusion in elden ring, that is like literally the only thing I've ever seen it saying in practice.

Isn't that just making a bad build decision and blaming it on the weapon?

Literally yup! But for the sake of fairness we'll just leave that aside and focus on the facts of how split damage works in practice.

But isn't it worse to apply damage multiple times and eat defense multiple times, than to do one big number and eat defense only once?

Technically yes! in an extreme case. When I was taking my sorcerer through my first dark souls 1 run and damage testing on the crystal golems in Seath's garden, I found that Dark Bead did significantly less total damage than Crystal Soul Spear.

Yes, Dark Bead did less total damage than Crystal Soul Spear. In Dark Souls 1. The game where Dark Bead is so overpowered that pvp'ers everywhere have been spamming and dreading it since the original release of the DLC and PtDE, and that speedrunners have been incorporating it into all bosses routes until move swap completely obliterated the game.

Do you begin to see the problem with just a flat 1:1 damage comparison on paper. Theoretically, in the right very situational interaction, using only the same R1 to R1,

on a specific build at that not even all builds because the specific reason I've been researching and testing this stuff since my first dark souls character in 2013 or so, is because of finding that my pure int build did the opposite of what people said and I did gigantic R1 damage with split damage and absolutely piss-poor R1 damage with unsplit damage,

yes a split-damage weapon can do less damage than an unsplit weapon. Theoretically. Not in practice, where for every other enemy and especially boss in the game the literally split damage by definition Dark Bead is specifically the singular most broken attack in all of Dark Souls 1; or Chaos Dagger backstabs and split damage Lothric Knight Greatsword charged R2's do the best-in-class damage for their respective weapon classes; or the optimal speedrun route in Dark Souls 3 involves tumblebuffing a Fire Shortsword which is *literally* actually a three-way split damage attack, *never* an unsplit damage stack even when it's fire buff on fire infusion.

---

The fact that this canard took off during Dark Souls 1 in particular is actually pretty specifically egregious, because like,

The overwhelming very smart-sounding argument is that if you look at the AR on paper of an unsplit weapon at 300 physical attack, vs the AR of a split weapon at 150 physical and 150 fire, and then apply the damage formula with such and so defensive values, you will see that the 300 AR, on paper, does better damage than the 150 + 150 on-paper AR.

In other words, it's an all-in focus on AR to AR, in the status screen only, as if that is always a reliable indicator of how much damage a weapon will do when it hits.

Friends, we're talking about a game that specifically has a weapon that contradicts every possible thing about that entire understanding of AR, and one that does so to such a spectacular degree that it is far and away one of the most popular weapons in that entire game.

There's two "middleweight" weapons in dark souls 1 that are notable for kind of punching above their weight, the Great Scythe and the Claymore. The Claymore is an eternal series favorite (and my actual vote in Elden Ring for best main-hand weapon in a powerstance generally) because it is pretty much always the only great sword with a thrusting attack in its moveset. The Claymore bounces back and forth in the relative ranking of how much AR/attack power/etc it has in its weapon class depending on the game, but the fact of the thrusting attack's speed and safety and counter damage means that the Claymore is frequently a real contender no matter what the game.

Now here's the real rub. The Claymore and the Great Scythe in Dark Souls 1 occupy the same niche, in being a high ROI weapon for the weight and the stat requirements. The Claymore has a higher AR than the Great Scythe for any given build and infusion (called ascension in souls 1), but the Great Scythe can consistently do more damage than the Claymore, not just on one or two attacks, but on the entire moveset unless there's a counter hit situation where the Claymore can do more damage. (Counter hits with thrusts are so punishingly precise in Dark Souls 1 that I never learned how to land them consistently enough for easy damage testing.) This should be the first clue that AR on the status screen isn't everything and that there's multiple multiple multipliers and damage variance between movesets that goes into just a normal, unbuffed R1 on a normal enemy before we apply any buffs, rings, special defense situations, etc.

The Monster Hunter community coined the term "motion value" to refer to the fact that each move in a given weapon's move set applies a multiplier to the attack number on its status screen before anything else in the damage formula applies, and the term has found obvious use in describing basically the same combat design philosophy in Dark Souls. Say a longsword does like 80%, 80%, 100% on its first R1, second R1, and uncharged R2. (I don't know the exact numbers, but anyway) That means that a 300 AR longsword is doing 240 AR, 240 AR, or 300 AR on those attacks, before defensive values are applied.

The Great Scythe very obviously, very blatantly has Motion Values that are bigger than its AR on paper suggests, on every one of its moves. I've run Enchanted vs Enchanted Great Scythe and Claymore side by side on enough sorcerer runs to know that it's in there and on the entire moveset, not just the riposte that impressed everyone looking for the best dex weapon back in the day. This is also blatantly the reason Chaos Daggers are the best ripostes in Dark Souls 3. The riposte attack on a dagger's moveset already multiplies the attack power to an absurd degree, way bigger than any singular number from any other weapon class on any attack (save for ultra greatsword and similar weight charged R2); and then Dagger applies the highest crit modifier in its weapon class for the biggest number yet.

Contrary to what it looks like on paper, a split-AR Chaos Dagger is not doing split damage at all in the slightest, it's doing the most concentrated unsplit fire elemental damage all at once to the enemy's defense, and then a nice beefy concentrated unsplit big fat physical damage number on top. This is literally the same reason Magic Misericorde and Dark Moon Greatsword with its weapon buff up in Elden Ring do damn near the highest crit damage in the entire game.

---

There's a hundred other fun little details too about how people have entirely the wrong understanding of split damage, even when they're really really good at beating dark souls in the most skillful of ways. GDQ events will tell you that tumblebuffing fire resin onto a fire weapon will give you better damage than applying lightning damage onto the fire weapon, implicitly because Split Damage Sucks ("because of the way defenses are calculated"), which is an absolute lie. I've spent hundreds of hours damage testing various combinations of damage types to hell and back on Dark Souls 3 in particular, on Lothric Knights and Ringed City bosses, very specifically trying to figure out the optimal damage setups for my mage, and tumblebuffed fire resin and lightning resin will apply exactly the same damage increase for exactly the same numbers on a fire shortsword before elemental resistance disparities are applied.

See, here's the thing about Dark Souls 3 and damage calculations. Say you have a weapon that does like 100 damage on an R1 attack and 900 damage on a riposte. With a Crystal, Chaos, or whatever other elemental infusion, that can jump to like, 180 R1 and 2200 riposte or something.

If you apply a damage buff on top, whether from resin or from spell, that might bump the R1 to 150. The riposte also only goes up by the same flat damage amount, to 950. The split infusion scaling is so real that even Fire and Dark Daggers, with their zero stat scaling, do outright better ripostes than physical infusions on the same Daggers. Like, Fire infusion has been a pocket pvp meta pick for builds that don't have int and wis investment for the Chaos maximization and Dark Lothric Sword.

I've tried this like a billion different times on a billion different weapons. Weapon buffs conspicuously do not scale with any motion values ever in this game. Crystal infusion in particular is far and away the most optimal use of int investment for weapon damage, no exceptions, even on a longsword spamming R1's where you'd think applying a flat damage increase would be more optimal. Nah, the absolute disparity in stat and motion value scaling is just entirely too big.

I've also tried this like a billion different times with all four elements of buff. The same flat damage increase applies in the same way across all elements. The same scaling rules date all the way back to Dark Souls 1, where tumblebuffing reveals that the magic buff onto a magic weapon does not stack with the innate magic scaling at all, it's a completely separate hit split off as another instance of enemy defense applied all the same as when it's buffed onto a physical weapon.

(Fun fact, Crystal Magic Weapon and Lightning Blade apply the same multiplication from the catalyst spell buff. Dark Blade has the worst scaling, probably from being technically available at the almost-start of the game, and Carthus Flame Arc has far and away the best scaling probably to compensate from being usually confined to just one catalyst and not having access to Yorshka Chime or Court Sorcerer Staff-levels of spell buff.)

So in other words the real reason tumblebuffing fire resin is better than lightning for the Cursed Greatwood is because it's hitting his elemental weakness, not because it is unsplit damage at all. It's literally a goddamn three-way split, exactly the thing that makes people say Drakeblood Greatsword is sub-optimal in the same game. You're literally using the same damage type and split as the Drakeblood GS when you tumblebuff fire resin on a fire shortsword.

---

Incidentally the other conspicuous presence of a gigantic all-in-one motion value, that turns a Split Infusion into an Unsplit gigantic fat smash of elemental damage, is the biggest burst hits on giant weapons.

Ultra greatsword criticals are absolute ass in Dark Souls 3. Like I'm not talking about the crit modifier at all, a dagger or thrusting sword in any of these games with a 100 crit modifier is usually doing better riposte damage than other weapon classes with a 110 modifier. Giant weapon backstabs are just about the same damage as a basic R1 swing, making it feel like a waste of an opening to do the backstab and relegating the move to i-frame safety only.

There were three conspicuous hits on my souls 3 sorcerers that hit nearly identically the same giant one-shot number. Crystal Soul Spear off of a Court Sorcerer Staff, obviously; Crystal Dagger crits; and— Crystal Lothric Great Sword charged r2's! They seriously beefed up the motion value on that attack so high that it's one of the strongest burst hits in the history of this running ruleset.

Like, this is the reason it's important to pay deep attention to the moveset and motion value of the weapon, not just its AR on paper. Ripostes are supposed to be your giant damage opportunity and they're part of the Demon Greataxe one-shot against Gwyn in Dark Souls 1, but they're the ultra greatsword's singular worst attack in Dark Souls 3. Charged r2 is so gigantic that elemental infusions on ultra greatswords specifically outstrip anything physical infusions can do on the weapon class's best attack.

This absolutely carries over to Elden Ring, where charged and jump R2's are a colossal weapon's best friend and Lion's Claw is easily the best melee DPS on a generic ash-swappable big boy sword. The scaling rules have not changed any since Enchanted Great Scythes were doing 4-digit ripostes in Dark Souls 1, my Elden Ring mages have been doing absolutely cracked damage with the obvious moves on Magic Zweihanders.

To be continued because this rant is breaking the editor lol

[mistaeq]

The Jobros: Finding out their s/o is Pregnant with Twins

TW // none

Original Request: Can you do the jojo's reaction to their s/o being pregnant with twins after a long time of trying? You can find this here.

The sweet @serenityblaze44 asked for this same prompt with the Jobros, so... here it is! <3

WORD COUNT: 2.6k

ROBERT E. O. SPEEDWAGON

As soon as you tell him, his eyes widen, like a cat who saw his favourite toy. It's almost as if he was a kid, and you were telling him that Santa was gonna bring him his favourite gift ever. No wonder, he'll be speechless for some seconds. Not only one baby, but two? This sounds all the way like a dream becoming reality. Living in the street like he did years ago, he could only dream about having a family.

You've been trying so hard to have a baby, you both felt ready, and after all the danger he went through along with Jonathan, Robert wants to settle down and have a family, finally starting something serious. But you had a lot of problems with getting pregnant, and he was losing his hope. Until you told him you were expecting a baby. And now, you were telling him they were two, two angels of his growing in your stomach. This feels crazy.

Speedwagon won't force you and won't get angry, if you don't feel like you'd like something like this, but he'd love to name one of the twins Jonathan or William if there's at least a boy and Erina if there's at least a girl. These people mattered so much in his life, and would be the happiest if he could bring these names with him forever. If you don't like the idea, he will respectfully accept it, and he's open and ready to hear your own ideas, too!

He wants everything to be completely organized, when the twins will come to the world. Every parent buys furniture and clothing for their baby, even before the birth, it's a pretty common thing. But Robert more or less behaved like Joseph buying stuff for Shizuka with Josuke's money. Speedwagon almost bought an entire baby store out of happiness and excitement. He's enthusiast and nervous. Bear with this loving gentleman.

"What do you mean I don't have to buy six cribs for the babies? What their two ones break and we need to change it?" he groans, handing you a bag, you looking at him with questioning eyes. "Nevermind... y/n, will you hold these fifty pacifiers for me while I get the twenty pairs of baby shoes out of the car?"

Speedwagon can't keep the news to himself. He'll call Erina before everyone else, and then all his friends, like immediately, to tell them the good news. He looks calm and rational, but he spent most of his life in London's street, and few years won't erase his loud and impulsive attitude. It's probably a good thing, after all. Even gentlemen can be excited. A little sudden, but hearing it makes Erina so happy, she'll be like an aunt for your kids!

He would enjoy reading books to your stomach during your pregnancy. He would have done it even if they weren't twins, but he claims that being them two, he'll need to work twice the amount he did before to teach them stories and literature. Robert is an amazing man, but still a too grown baby, he'll never stop his ideas about how to teach the children something. He just thinks about what he'd like to do or hear if he was a child.

CAESAR ANTONIO ZEPPELI

He stops practicing with his hamon for some seconds as soon as you tell him. Funny, he was so focused on his training that he swore he started hearing things. You didn't just tell him that the baby bubble growing in your stomach are in reality two baby bubbles. He... oh, forget it Caesar, you must have dreamt it. But you're right next to him, and almost immediately repeat what you just told him, making him realize what he heard is true.

It takes a while for the italian boy to realize it, but when he finally does, you can tell he's happy. Mamma mia. The adrenaline and excitemente in his body won't stop flowing, this is why, when Caesar will hug you, pick you up and jump around, hamon bubbles will still be coming out of his fingertips, and you find it the cutest thing ever. It's the physical proof of how happy you make him, there's no way to deny it. Family is all he ever wanted, over his flirting habit. You're the right one for him and he knows.

Prepare your kids and your stomach to get a whole load of opera music during your pregnancy. Caesar is a great lover of opera, and will care about his kids to be as informed on it and respectful of the genre. Either he'll put on some of it, of he'll straight up sing it for you and your future children. His singing voice isn't actually so bad, you notice, and this is how he earns the task of singing them the lullabies when they'll come to the world.

"Hey! What do you mean I get to sing them the lullabies... I'm good at opera... not baby songs..." he whines, almost sounding like a baby himself. "Fine... but at one condition. You change the diapers and I sing the lullabies. Take it or leave it."

He cares a lot about his family's traditions to go on. Being the flamboyant italian he is, Caesar prides himself on the love for his close family and relatives. He doesn't have a huge request for you, but he cares about what he's gonna ask. The father-to-be would be happy, if one of the twins is a boy, to give him Antonio as a second name. Like his own second name, and his grandpa's too. He secretly hopes the twins are a boy and a girl, he's always wanted a baby princess.

The young Zeppeli will grow twice more protective and caring of you. This translates in him not letting Joseph get closer to you than three meters away. This is how you learn to speak even louder to talk with people. Your loving boy will always be in front of you to keep you safe. You appreciate it, but sometimes he's exaggerated.

He'll probably beg you on his knees, for you to allow him to teach the children how to master the hamon technique when they'll grow up. You can't really deny it, sometimes it's useful. During your pregnancy, Caesar and his calming waves helped you coping with pregnancy pains and cramps, massaging your belly and leaving some bubbles around to soothe and distract you. Oh, your caring italian love.

NORIAKI KAKYOIN

When you told him the good news, his heart exploded with happiness and excitement. However, Noriaki is known for being a pretty calm boy, and he tried his best to keep calm after your words, too. You had to tell him to let go and don't worry about wanting to hug you, or pick you up and kiss you, or even cry, if he felt like letting it all out.

Before you even got pregnant, Kakyoin and you had been trying every single way on Earth to have a baby. Take count of your most fertile phase, buy a lot of pregnancy tests, using different positions, praying, making rituals, crying and asking Siri, in tears, why Noriaki couldn't manage to get you pregnant. Did those ways work so well that you got twice more pregnant than you expected? Nevermind, all you know is that you and your loving cherry boy are gonna have two beautiful babies.

"Listen... why do you think I can't get my baby pregnant? We've been trying every single way... do you have any advice?" as soon as Siri answered, Kakyoin's eyes widened, and raised an eyebrow. "Hey, don't give me the 'Sorry, I'm not sure what you said' treatment!"

One of his first thoughts, is that there's a small - but now it's higher because the babies are two - percentage of chances your babies might be stand users. Yes, it's not the highest percentage ever, but it's still there, and Kakyoin is pretty afraid of it. Stand users' lives are never calm and quiet, he had the occasion to prove this himself. They often go towards almost deadly experiences. He's gotta be a good dad and protect his children.

Hierophant Green is overjoyed! Noriaki and his stand worked hard, to create some decorations for the babies' room with emeralds. Green is a neutral color, since you don't know whether the twins will be boys, girls, or both. Still, you don't think colors like pink and blue are gendered, that's some stereotypical bullshit. But you had the luck of having green decorations, perfect for anyone, from Hierophant's power.

Kakyoin secretly hopes that at least one of the babies, no matter whether it's a boy or a girl, will have his hair color or hair noodle. Think about it, wouldn't it be funny, cute and incredibly special to have a small version of your husband/boyfriend walking around the house? Oh god, what if they're identical twins? Three Noriakis? Oh my.

Even if this might embarrass him a little, you'll often get to see his parents during your pregnancy. First of all, to give them the good news about the baby being in reality two babies, and second of all because mrs. Kakyoin would be on cloud nine, getting the chance to give you some parenting advice. That's also how you get to know some interesting information and curiosities about your man's childhood. The cutest things ever. But this... is another story.

NIJIMURA OKUYASU

Okuyasu.exe has stopped working. What do you mean two babies? He thought the shocking news were finished, after the pregnancy announcement. He's gonna ask you a billion times, on the verge of tears, if you're joking or messing with him, knowing how much these news matter to his heart. When he gets you're serious, Okuyasu just lets go and cries. He feels so damn happy.

He learnt to hate your period as much as you, honestly. Because everytime you got it, it meant another month in which he had failed in getting you pregnant had passed, and this made him feel useless and disappointing. You never thought anything like this about him, but making him understand this is pretty difficult, he wouldn't have forgiven himself until he succeeded. You wanted a baby and Okuyasu wanted so too, so he would have given it to you, no matter what.

"Oi... did you... you know, bleed this month already?" Okuyasu asked, with the eyes of someone who was afraid of asking. But you shook your head. "This is good, love... but let's not get our hopes up, shall we, y/n?"

He doesn't really have any special requests or ideas for your babies' names. Or better, he does have one, but will never tell you, as he thinks for sure that you'll never agree with doing it. Okuyasu would have liked the kanji "兆" ("chou": trillion) to be in at least one of your babies' names, to remember his brother. But your boy is pretty sure you'd hate it, and he'd never suggest this. You'll probably feel there's something he's not telling you and find out anyway.

Expecting two babies is tiring, and you'll need to rest a lot. Okuyasu would like to join you and hold you in your sleep, but he also wants to be awake to take care of you, get you something to eat or drink, or put in order his messy house to make it look at least decent for when the babies will come. This is why, while you take your naps, he works around the house and lets The Hand cuddle with you. It's always him, after all. He feels the way you hold his stand.

This leads to the father-to-be being often pretty tired, too. He overworks himself. At night, when he finally joins you in your bed, happens to fall asleep in a matter of seconds, wearing his ordinary clothes instead of his pajamas. You can tell he's gonna be a good dad. Some mornings during your pregnancy, if you happened to wake up before him, you'd quietly turn off his alarm clock for him to rest more.

Okuyasu's dad is on cloud nine too, as his family is going to get larger. Mansaku totally wants to take a photo with you two and his grandchildren, as soon as they'll be born. He accepted you and behaves with you the same caring way he does towards his son. He's changed in a better man, despite his appearance. But the first person Okuyasu told the good news to, was Keicho. He purposely went on his grave, because he knew his brother would have been proud.

BRUNO BUCCIARATI

You tell him the good news while he's working. Not only it'll make his day better, but it'll also hopefully get his mind off of that giant bunch of papers on his desk, for once. The capo suddenly stops, moving his gaze towards your eyes, then your stomach, then your eyes again. You'll have to repeat, or he'll be sure he's imagined what you said because of the too much time spent working. But there's no joke or dream, you're pregnant with twins.

Screw all the papers and all the work that's left. He's gonna get you in a so tight and warm embrace of his, and never let go. Libeccio's for dinner that night? Guaranteed. He's usually a calm man, but whatever is related to his family, gets celebrated. When you announced your pregnancy, you had a dinner with the whole gang at the restaurant, but this time Bruno would rather have something more personal and private with you. Make the dinner romantic.

When you were still trying to have a baby, Bucciarati was the one who managed not to lost his temper when every attempt of yours resulted in a negative pregnancy test. But when you weren't around, I won't say he cried, but was pretty close. He was afraid of not being able to give you what you wanted, and usually ranted about this with Abbacchio. Bruno wanted to be the shoulder you could cry on, and couldn't breakdown too.

You both decided to wait some time before telling the gang about the baby being in reality two babies. They were still excited for your pregnancy itself, Mista and Narancia above everyone, and giving another shocking news would have probably brought the peace to say arrivederci. They still managed to get you confess, the look in Bruno's expressive eyes was too happy not to notice.

Just like Giorno would do, Bruno wouldn't be happy if his two angels ended up being involved in Passione's business. He totally will let the gang around his babies, as he trusts them, but during your pregnancy you both decided that the one of you taking care of the babies on a certain day, wouldn't even think of getting close to Passione's headquarters with the children. And you agreed with Bucciarati, for your little ones' safety.

"You'll agree with me that our children's safety is the most important thing, tesoro mio..." Bruno murmured, caressing your cheek. "Let's not bring them close to this place ever, I beg you. I'm sure you'll understand."

He would enjoy talking and interacting with his babies by laying his head on your stomach, kissing it and listening to them moving in the last weeks of your pregnancy. Sticky Fingers is in love with you too, and Bruno won't ever lose the chance to close you in a cuddle sandwich between his body and his stand's to make you feel protected and let you know how proud of you he is. Bucciarati will be a special dad, indeed.

[theliterarywolf]

Can someone at Disney explain to me why, out of ALL the villains that you could recontextualize into sympathetic anti-heros, you picked the puppy murderer who wanted to skin adorable innocent animals into coats? Like say what you want about Maleficent and how it's ruined Disney and Hollywood as a whole, at least she didn't perform animal cruelty!

Silly Taka, no one at modern Disney can think more than two moves ahead. They needed a girl-boss anti-villain! Could they have created a new one and had their first new merchandise mascot in almost a decade? -- when I say 'Merchandise Mascot', I'm referencing characters that are plastered onto so much merchandise that a good percentage of the population hasn't even seen the original films they come from, i.e.: Jack Skellington, Tinkerbell, Stitch -- Yes, but that's haaaaard~

Anon said: To be fair they could pull a maleficent and have this be an alternate timeline where she doesn't become a villain and skin puppies for a coat and they just chose cruella for the aesthetics. Or maybe they'll have the cruella personality somehow split off and whatever her actual name will have to fight her to keep the dogs safe god that dropped my iq typing that

People keep telling me that that's close to what they did... Which leads further into my frustrations of 'Disney, do something original for fuck's sake *looks at Raya* Not like that'

Anon said: Not only do the dalamations actually kill Cruella's mom, they did it in the stupidest way possible. Do they bite or maul her to death? No, one of them jumps on her and pushes her off a cliff and into the ocean.

Well, I mean, everyone knows that an average of 3 British middle-aged women are killed by level 20 Dalmatians using Tackle every year. It's common knowledge, anon, gosh.

Anon said: Just to play De Vil's advocate, her Stepmoms death isn't actually used to justify her puppy hatred, in fact it's not even really connected to why she wants a dalmatian coat, she's shown to like them towards the end of the movie, though with the implication she still wants to skin their babies for fashion. Imo the movie was pretty fun and she's still very much a villain protag where that scene is really only meant to further her grudge with the Baroness. The scene is still stupid though.

Okay, even if I tried to look at this through a similar perspective of someone like Wolf from Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts where a character is actively wearing the pelt of something that tried to kill her as a symbol of 'Fuck around and find out', it still feels like they handled it in a clumsy way here. Especially with 'Oh, I feel no grudge towards your kind... But I am still going to commit a crime against your species in the future, so keep an eye out~'

More and my responses beneath the break

Anon said: Actually if I had to say a few things about Cruella it's that it actually never delves into why she's so obsessed with furs. Fashion yes, but not furs specifically. General consensus I've heard though is that the movie could've been a really good standalone unconnected to any prior ips.

THAT'S ALL I WANT! FOR DISNEY TO JUST MAKE NEW IPs! I wouldn't care so much if we were following a murderous girl-boss anti-villain as long as we're not trying to woobify a pre-existing character who is already evil for evil's sake!

Anon said: Hey, since we're all collectively ragging on Cruella, thought I'd share something I stumbled on during a 2am YouTube crawl. Some dude on YouTube made a fake trailer for a theoretical Live Action Origin Movie about the dude that shot Bambi's mom

... As bad as this is for me to say, I wouldn't actually be opposed to watching a film following a guy who has essentially lost everything (job, family, house, etc.) and is living as a hermit in the forest. One day he happens upon a clearing full of animals and he needs to stock his rations for the upcoming winter and he manages to snag a doe.

Of course, as he's retrieving his kill, he sees the poor, now-orphan fawn looking at him in fear and horror before it bounds away into the woods. The rest of the movie is about the hunter trying to survive, thinking about his (mankind's) place in nature and just how much he should be taking and hurting to justify his own existence. The climax of the movie could be the fire but now written as a forest-clearing event that takes out the hunter's shelter and meager possessions. As he's trying to see what little can be saved, he hears a crack. Immediately grabbing for his gun, he takes aim and sees a buck. However... As both man and animal stare each other down, the hunter recognizes the buck as the same scared fawn from all those years ago.

And, thus... He lets him go. Bambi turns away and guides his family away from the burnt remains of the woods, and the hunter finally decides to go back to the city to try and rebuild a life without encroaching on the natural world.

Or something like that.

Anon said: You know who's actually a well written, sympathetic, female Disney villain, Demona from Gargoyles. An animated series from the 80s did a better job at giving a reason for being a villain than "wah, my mom got killed by Dalmatians but I'll still adopt them and use faux fur." I might even say Eclipsa from Star vs was a better "villain" than 2021 Cruella. I put " " because Eclipsa didn't really feel like a villain, more of a morally grey character IMO.

Sad to say, I doubt Disney will ever give us something in the same vein as Gargoyles anytime soon.

God... *holds back a scream* Season 4 of Star vs. would have been so much better if we just focused on Eclipsa and the other Queens of Mewni! Why couldn't Seasn 4 of Star vs. focused on Eclipsa and the other Queens of Mewni!!

Anon said: I feel like you probably could do a decent Cruella movie. A young woman starts her career in fashion at the bottom with earnest intentions to make an honest living. Heck she could be against fur in the beginning, but finds that she has to compromise more and more on her ethics until her rise to the top were she has lost all of her morality and no longer recognizes the person in the mirror. At that point, she's too far gone, and in the pursuit of even higher fashion heights, is willing to make a coat from puppies.

Anon, are you in my head? Because that's close to how I rewrote the premise of a movie like this when the trailer first dropped.

[airi-p4]

Last chance - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |  AO3 This chapter is Luka's POV of what happened before day 6 and during chapter 3 (present time). 

___________________________________________

Luka’s POV

6  days earlier - somewhere in United States of America

As soon as I reach the airport with Chloe, our private jet is already ready, with her loyal assistant (butler?) ready to take the controls of the plane. Who would have thought Mister Jean… what was his name again? Jean-Paul? Jean-Pierre? Jean-Pascal? Whatever. We have a pilot and we can reach Paris in a few hours.

The plan is to get there and use Adrien's private plane instead of Chloe's to go to Tibet: a safer plane for difficult flying conditions, that’s mostly it.

Adrien… it's been a while since we talked. I wonder if he hates me like Chloe used to. Was he even aware of Chloe's revenge plans? I can't deny I'm curious, but these aren't the thoughts that occupy my mind at the moment.

There's still a few hours left and I can't stop thinking about Marinette's messages.

'I love you'

Is it for real? This isn't some kind of hidden camera, isn't it? Can I trust these words? I certainly want to… but should I? I need to hear it directly from her to believe it. I don't want to keep my hopes up just to sink deeper.

No matter what, I need to arrive earlier than the time Alix created for us. I need to stop her from doing something stupid and unnecessary.

Please… let me save her. Let me make it in time. Let me help her find her happiness. That's all I've ever wanted… What can I do to help her? Am I really the one she wants? Can I really help her? What if I'm not enough?

A big sigh leaves from my mouth.

"Baby, you should rest. You haven't slept much tonight, haven't you? There are still some hours left. Try to get some sleep"

This… is unexpectedly considerate from Chloe. I'm relieved her attitude has improved after these years. Hell, I wouldn't have proposed to her if I weren't sure she had changed. But her plans against Marinette… Oh, that’s right. I still have some talking to do with her. But maybe I should listen to her advice and get some rest first.

"Thanks, ho- Chloe"

Stupid habits. I need to stop calling her ‘honeybee’ already. Ugh… it's not as easy as I expected… I'm the type of man who likes stability… habits are hard to break for me.

I don't need to see Chloe’s face to notice her heart song is now sad and remorseful. My eyes are closed, but I can't sleep. Worries about Marinette keep my mind occupied. But it seems at some point I had entered my dreamlands. I really was exhausted, no wonder. A music video recording plus wedding preparations with Chloe is some energy-draining combo.

"Where are we now? How much time until Paris?"

"Still a long way. You've only slept for 30 minutes. Get some more rest, baby, you’ll need it"

"No. I'm fine. I got enough sleep. Instead… We should talk"

I’m trying to sound serious and not scary, but I’m not sure if I’m accomplishing it… probably not.

"Oh… already? You didn't need to think much, huh? Geez. All this is ridiculous. Am I that easily disposable to you?"

"You know that's not it, Chloe. You know I care for you. But you also know my feelings for Marinette are… never going to fade. I don't know if she's still the same girl she was when we used to spend time together, but if she is… Then I know my heart won't hesitate"

"Yeah… I've always known that. Always Dupain-Cheng. I've never been good enough for you"

"Hey! That’s not true. Don't take it as if you're not extraordinary, Chloe, because you are. And I’m sure there's someone out there ready to notice and appreciate you. You deserve better than me"

"Well, I don't care about that 'someone out there'. All I want is you, Luka! Is staying with me even an option for you? Has it ever been? Why did you propose to me if you planned to throw me away as soon as you had the chance to?"

She's hurt. Horribly hurt. Still working her pride to cover how devastated she actually is. But the tears on her eyes are not doing a very good job to hide it.

I feel horrible.

And I have no excuse.

I never expected Marinette to return my feelings. But if she really does… I have to be honest with Chloe. She deserves the truth.  

"No, hon- Chloe. I'm sorry. I never planned to use you as a rebound. I wanted to marry you, for real. I really tried to move on. I’ve wished for Marinette's happiness over everything, and... If I had known she wasn't happy… things would have gone differently, no doubt. I’m sorry for hurting you. You don’t deserve it"

"You would have run to her the instant she broke Adrien's heart if you had known about her feelings. You’ve never loved me like you love Marinette, not even close if you’re able to decide this fast to dump me even when our wedding is coming soon. You have no shame"

Wow, her words surely sting. Who is supposed to be the snake one here? Oh, well. I guess she wasn't a wasp for nothing…

"I wouldn't have met you if I had known she wasn’t happy. I don't regret the time we have spent together. I love you too, just in a different way"

"Do I have a chance to win you back?"

Straight to the point, huh? Typical of her. I don’t want to hurt her, but I need to be honest with her.

"I don't know. Probably not, I'm not going to lie. But I really wish for your happiness and I wish we could still be friends when everything is over"

Ah... I can feel that deadly glare pierces through my heart. Wow, she’s really angry. And hurt. Not that I can complain. It’s totally understandable and I deserve the hate. Anger over embarrassment, huh?

"Give me a percentage. What are my chances?"

What an unbelievable question. But it’s so Chloe. I blink a few times as I think of a proper answer. I like her, I can’t deny that. But if Marinette is ready to accept me this time… I’m not going to reject or ignore her and regret it forever. No more.

"Love and feelings don't work with percentages, hone- Ugh. Chloe. They're uncontrollable, beyond our understanding and wishes. But... if you insist on a number… a 2% maybe? I don't know. Almost 0% if Marinette's feelings are true and her heart song remains unchanged"

"That’s so low it’s ridiculous... Hmph! But it’s still not a 0, so I don’t have to give up yet. I'm not losing to Dupain-Cheng again. Not without putting on a fight, at least!"

I can't help it but giggle. She's adorable in her own way.

"Good luck, then."

To be honest, a part of me doesn't want to break up with Chloe. Even if her original reasons to approach me had evil intentions, I know she has changed now. But if Marinette's feelings are for real… if she really turned her heart towards me… that's all I've ever wished for. And I'm not going to run away from her.

Not again. Not anymore.

But first...

"Hon- I mean- Chloe. I want you to return me the ring I gave you”

"WHAT!? NO!! No way I'm giving it up! You're still my fiancée! At least until everything is over or until we get married. I really hope it’s this second option, let me tell you! I have no intention of canceling our Wedding!"

Stubborn as always, huh? I sigh again.

"OK. You can keep it for now. But you're returning it to me when everything is over”

Chloe seemed to be about to say something, but she stopped.

“Hmph”

Her face then buries on my shoulder and I hug her a little, patting her head. She’s mad and sad, of course. And her bawling starts, like a baby. I feel bad for breaking her heart like this and I’m sorry for her. I’m the worst... I wish she finds her happiness and someone who can fully love her as she deserves.

___________________________________________

My eyes open again at the sound of the PA message.

“Landing in 10 minutes”

Chloe has fallen asleep with me at some point. We exchange looks and a nod, preparing for the arrival to Paris. I look at Chloe. I know she’s afraid of landings, so I hold her hand, like always, and I notice her relax a bit, closer to me. Damn, she's cute when she’s scared.

And here we are: Paris.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been home. But I won’t be staying long. The Eiffel Tower looks as pretty as I remember it. Home... I wonder if I can go back when everything is over...

Adrien’s bodyguard (doesn't he have a name?) is waiting for us at the airport. He grabs Chloe's massive amount of luggage (when did she have the time to prepare it?) and guides us to Adrien's private plane.

The plane is definitely bigger. Just how rich is the Agreste family? Did Marinette really renounce owning part of this empire? I know she’s not interested in money or fame, but if she really gave it up for me, then I’m more than flattered. It still doesn’t sound real, though.

The Gorilla leads us inside and everyone is waiting for us there: Alya, Nino and Adrien. I can immediately notice the tension in the air when they see me. Wary of Adrien’s and my reaction. Nothing to be surprised about, I guess…  

And there's Adrien, handsome as ever, standing in the middle of the plane and looking at me with his intense emerald green eyes. Before I can move or speak he takes the first step and hugs me.

"Luka!"

"Hey. Nice to see you, Adrien" I hug him back as I hear his friend's relieved sighs. What did they expect?

Adrien looks like he really wants to have a word with me. Something serious. And I'm quite sure I know exactly what it is. But before he opens his mouth...

"Hey, Adrikins! I'm here too, you know? Where's my hug?"

Chloe. She really doesn't know how to read the mood. Geez... Well, go on, I signal to Adrien, who follows Chloe's petition.

"That’s better. Now bring me my favorite drink and let me sleep for a while. Make it double in alcohol. I’ll be at the back of the plane. Don’t disturb me!"

And there she goes, disappearing through the aisle. I can't help it but smile. That's so Chloe: looking for an excuse to cry alone at her heart content. I’ll check on her later, but she'll have to get used to it.

I exchange some greetings with Alya and Nino before Adrien calls me again.

"Luka, come here. We need to talk"

"Yeah, I figured. Can I do something first?"

The plane is getting ready for take-off, but I make sure to grab the speaker first.

"Hello everyone. Luka here. First of all, I want to thank you all for coming. Sorry it's been so rushed, but the cause demands immediate action. As you may know, Marinette is trying to use some of the Miraculous for her own benefit and we can't allow that. Adrien may know better than me, but the universe’s balance could break because of that and we can’t let it happen. Since there's a long way until Tibet, we'll hold a strategy reunion when we get closer. Miraculous team: let's save Marinette, let's save Ladybug! Now get some rest and we'll discuss the strategy details later. Thank you for your attention"

After some claps, I return to my seat next to Adrien. Take off takes place without incidents and we can reassume our conversation.

"Luka… I-... I want to apologize to you. I'm sorry... Back then... I hurt you, didn't I? I didn't know you had feelings for Marinette and yet… all the advice I asked you for… whenever you joined our dates… you never looked sad and… Why didn't you tell me? I would have been more careful and-"

Yeah… Giving Adrien advice definitely hurt me. Seeing how happy Marinette was after he followed my indications to surprise or make her happy made it even worse. But Marinette was happy and Adrien was happy too and I convinced myself that it was enough for me to be happy too (for a while, at least…).

"I just wished for your happiness, Adrien. My friend's happiness makes me happy too”

"But Marinette's not a friend to you. Why did you leave? She’s never been the same since you left… I couldn’t fill in for you in her heart…”

“One-sided love hurts, Adrien. It’s like a double-edged blade. You can be happy for the one you love but lonely for not having them by your side as you wish”

“That’s- I see… It makes sense…” he pauses and looks straight to my eyes. “Luka, do you still love Marinette? Will I be able to understand your feelings better if you two get together? I still love Marinette but I’ve only seen her unhappy since you left and I hate it. Can you make her happy again?”

His green eyes are honest as usual. I keep holding my gaze, never breaking eye contact as I answer his questions.

“Adrien… I’ll be honest with you: I love Marinette, I’ve always had. Since the first moment she appeared in front of me, even now. All I’ve ever wished was for her happiness. I confessed to her and she never gave me an answer. She was in love with you. And I was happy for her happiness with you. That’s why I left: I didn’t want my feelings to interfere with your relationship. I had no chances anyway… You know: destiny is supposed to be unavoidable. I could have never imagined you two not getting a fairy-tale-like happily ever after”

“But it happened. Destiny didn’t work this time... Why didn’t you say goodbye? It broke Marientte’s heart the way you left, I was hurt too. I thought we were friends”

“And we are friends, Adrien. Wouldn’t you have asked me to stay if I had told you? That’s why I never did. And then there’s…”

“There’s what?”

“I don’t know if Marinette has ever told you, but I kissed her. The day before leaving. I know I should have been more considerate about you but I was selfish. I needed to move on and… Oh, but she rejected me immediately. ‘I hate you’, she told me. How could I stay after that?”

"That's- I see. She never told me that… That explains… many things, actually… But that doesn’t change the fact you weren’t there for her when she needed you the most”

“I left my contact open for her, Adrien, but she never contacted me. Hell. I thought you were married until yesterday!”

“Wha- Why? Didn’t you see the news? It was everywhere! The press wouldn’t stop following us around for a while… The gorilla even went to trial for punching one ‘journalist’ while protecting me”

“Wow, that’s rough. I’m sorry this happened to you”

“Marinette’s case was even worse… They even managed to sneak into her office. No chill. I think that was the start of her depression… Wait! Yours and Chloé’s news was what made them stop, now that I think about it… Maybe that was the true reason they left us alone… and the true reason after Marinette’s depression...”

“I didn’t know… Chloé made sure to hide all those news from me”

“Why would she do that?”

“She did it for you. And for herself. But you should ask her directly. Phew, I was scared to ask but I’m glad you weren’t aware of her plans”

“What plans?”

“You should ask her about it. I don’t know much about them, to be honest, but she wanted to get Marinette back with you and keep me out of your way”

I shrug my shoulders and Adrien makes a surprised face that makes me smile.

“Chloe… never learns, doesn’t she?” he says, and I chuckle at his words.

“Isn’t that one of her charms?”

“Maybe?”

It’s nice we can laugh together after all what happened. I’m happy to have Adrien back as a friend.

“Hey, Luka. I want you to be honest with me. Do you love Chloe? What do you plan to do when this is over?”

I’m not surprised at Adrien’s question. But I’m not sure what answer he is expecting.

“What would you like me to say?”

“Tell me your true feelings. Both Marinette and Chloe deserve to be happy. But they both love you and you can only be with one of them. I’m going to encourage you whatever your decision is”

Adrien has really matured, hasn’t he? I’m glad we’re on good terms, sincerely speaking, no hard feelings. Just like old times. I guess I missed him too.

“The truth is… I don’t know. You all keep saying Marinette has feelings for me but it’s still hard for me to believe it. I don't think I can believe it until I hear it coming out her mouth. But… If she really does love me the same way I love her… Then I’m never leaving her side again”

“So Marinette will finally get her happiness… that’s good, I’m relieved. What will you do about Chloe?”

“We’ve already discussed it. Our engagement is practically broken and, as much as it pains me, our relationship can’t go on. I’m sorry. I know she’s your childhood friend”

“She must be very sad and angry now... I’ve never seen her so in love before. You really mean a lot to her”

“And I care for her, too. But Marinette…”

“Yes, I know. Marinette is amazing, isn’t she? How can she be so cute and strong at the same time? How can one not fall for her? I don’t think I need to tell you this, though”

“Certainly not”

Funny how we can laugh together about loving the same girl. I’m glad I got to talk to Adrien from man to man, from friend to friend. I hope we can keep in touch from now on. But I won’t stop him if he ever wants to stop contacting me. Because I did the same at some point and I would understand his reasons.

“What are you going to do, Adrien?”

“Me...? Do I have a choice? Marinette has stopped contacting me after we broke up. I doubt she wants to see me anymore. But I can’t ignore her when she’s asking for help. And I want to help you too. I’ll wish her happiness from the shadows, like I’ve been trying to do for a while”

“Adrien… Don’t take it in a bad way, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Look at me. I had to leave exactly for that same reason. I’m not saying this out of fear or jealousy, but as a friend: why don’t you try to move on? I’m sure you can find happiness. You’re young and handsome, and you have one of the purest hearts songs I’ve ever heard”

“How do you expect me to forget about Marinette, Luka? You should know that it’s impossible… It’s fine, I’ll live with it”

Well. I can't disagree with his words. He's totally right. But I still want to support him.

“Hey, you can count on me anytime, ok? I’m sure you’ll find the right person when you expect it the least, you’ll see”

“I don’t think so… but thanks for your words. I’m happy to have you as my friend”

“I’m glad too. Don’t worry, it will be fine. You deserve happiness, Adrien”

It’s only at this point when I notice the time.

“Oh, look at the time. Should we start our strategy meeting?”

“Sure, I’ll let Alya and Nino know. Can you get Chloe? I doubt she wants any of us to see her… you know…”

“Got it. Meeting in 10 minutes”

__________________________________________

As expected, Chloe is crying with her eye mask on at the back of the plane, lying down on her first-class like seat. The bottle of her wine is empty. Great...

“Hey honeybee- Chloe!” Damn habits! “It’s time for the strategy meeting. C’mon, show me your face”

Wow, her eyes are red and puffy as I remove her eye mask. Can she even stand up? She looks like she’s about to throw up. Great… I bring her a cold towel and a disposable bag and pat her back a little while I check her temperature. No fever at least. Good.

“C’mon Chloe, answer me”

“I’m not going… Let me sleep, snacky. Or kiss me and I’ll go. Yeah, kiss me…”

And there she goes, bawling again. That’s why I never let her drink… I guess she’ll have to miss the meeting.

“Have some sleep. I’ll explain you the plan when the discussion is over”

“No… Don’t go… Stay with me… Don’t leave me…”

Ah… honest Chloe is finally talking. I wish she didn’t need the alcohol for that. Crap, since when was her grip that strong? She’s not letting go of my jacket. I can’t help it but roll my eyes. I kiss her forehead to distract her and remove my jacket. Good thing I’m fast enough to avoid her catching my shirt next.

“Sleep well. See you later”

Ah… There she goes again- the crying. I wish the pain in my heart could finally end… I hate seeing her like that.

But what else can I do? If I have one last chance with Marinette, I’m definitely not going to waste it.

Wait for us, Marinette. We’re coming back to you.

_________________

The meeting goes on smoothly. We discuss the essential: how to reach the cave (Adrien has the Miraculous Compass that should lead us there), which Miraculous could be used and how to act in any case (keeping special attention to the absolute power of creation and destruction Miraculous used together and the rabbit Miraculous, which was most likely the one planned to be used), and finally, how to proceed if anything goes unplanned.

One more thing is decided: the team will be led by me. I’m not really comfortable giving commands, but I guess the cause requires some leadership, and with my experience with the snake Miraculous, Adrien, Nino, and Alya all agree I’m the best fit for that role. I have no choice but to accept. Failure is not an option.

There’s something more to take into consideration: Alya’s state. She has just had a baby and her body is not ready for harsh action, so I need to make sure she has a back-up role, nothing dangerous.

We come to an agreement that what we must try first is to stop Marinette from using the rabbit Miraculous. And, if we can’t stop her at step 1, stop her at step 2, before she can enter the time portal. It’s game over if she gets in.

No resets available- a one chance mission.

We can’t afford to lose.

And in case absolute power is called… We don't have much knowledge about it, but we’ll have to try to remove her Miraculous or make her pass out before she can ask for her wish. Nino, Adrien, and I should have enough strength to stop her and carry out the mission- if there are no surprises. And if it fails, Alya is carrying some chloroform to make her sleep in a few seconds - or at least that’s how it works in movies, according to Nino.

After setting the plan, I return to Chloe’s side and try to get some more sleep. I tell her about the plan, and she just nods “Why didn’t you give me a role?” she asks, but I have no answer to that. I guess I can’t trust her around Marinette… But I better not tell her that. I already feel bad. I really don't want to hurt her unnecessarily any further.

At this point, I’m not sure why I keep looking after Chloe this much. Is it because of love? Pity? Remorse? Worry? Habits? Ugh… Habits can really be bad, can’t they? Here am I, holding her hand at her sleep again. I really should stop this… but my eyelids are so heavy…

“Landing in 10 minutes”

I shake at the call and get Chloe on her seat, fasten our seatbelts, and get ready for imminent landing. Poor Chloe is not even awake, she’ll surely get surprised when we touch the floor.

“UaAh!!”

See? What a jump! I can’t stop laughing at her reaction. And now she’s angry and embarrassed. Cute.

“Stop laughing!”

Oh. She should know at this point this only makes me laugh louder. Chloé is funny. Not the same funny as Marinette, but still funny. Damn… I miss Marinette's laugh and funny actions… But maybe I shouldn’t think of her now that I have a deadly glare on me. I can feel a chill going down my spine. Chloe can be really scary when she’s angry...

______________________

And we finally arrive at the Temple of the Miraculous.

It's good Adrien's Compass is working well. And it's also a good thing Adrien can speak Chinese because we would be screwed otherwise. But Adrien's translation gives us some bad news.

“We can’t go to the cave…”

“What!? Why not, bro?”

“Only the Guardian can enter the cave… Unless the guardian is with us, we can’t go in. And they said Marinette is already inside… so the gate is closed again”

Silence surrounds us for a moment, until Alya breaks it to speak- shout.

“No! This can’t be!! What are we going to do now!? I’ve never heard of anything like this in my research! There has to be a way! We can't just stay here and do nothing!”

“I know Alya… But I have an idea… I don’t know if it will work but… It may take us at least one or two days too... but maybe…”

Adrien doesn’t look confident, but we don’t have any other ideas, so it’s worth giving it a try. I want to do anything to save Marinette. Hell. We must save her at any cost!

“It’s ok, Adrien! Tell us! We need to rescue Marinette!”

God, did I sound as desperate as I am? It’s difficult to keep my cool when it’s Marinette related stuff, even if I’m trying hard. Yep, Chloe’s glare confirms it… Desperate. Of course I am! What do you expect? Shit. Focus, Luka! I need to pay attention to what Adrien has to say.

“Listen. I know the previous guardian of the Miraculous, Master Fu. He’s the one that entrusted me and Marinette our Miraculous at first”

“Good, we have a guardian then. Where is this Fruit person?”

“Chloe, show some respect” I warn her. ”Tell us, Adrien”

“That’s the bad thing… He’s in London but… he lost his memories after passing the Miraculous box to Marinette. He doesn’t have his knowledge anymore…”

Everyone becomes quiet, pensative, and Alya is once again the one to break the silence.

“What are we going to do, then!?”

All looks focus back on Adrien and he starts talking again. Everyone is listening to him carefully.

“I have a plan. We’ll go get him anyway first. We’ll take him in front of the monks of the Temple, and explain the situation. Maybe… if anyone here recognizes him, an exception can be made for us. I would destroy that stupid door if I had my Cataclysm, but it seems Master Fu is our only chance. What do you say?”

“Well… it’s uncertain and risky, but we have no choice. We should leave as soon as we can. No time to waste”

“But we’ve just arrived! Don’t be ridiculous, baby”

“Nino, Alya and Chloe can stay here. Adrien and I will go get him” I tell them and they nod. Except Chloe… as expected.

“Oh no! No way! If you’re going I’m going too!”

“Chloe, don’t be childish. Stay and wait here. Try to find out as much as you can about the Temple, the cave and the miraculous meanwhile. Will be back soon”

“HEY!”

Chloe tries to follow us but is stopped by Nino, who wishes us a safe flight.

“Take care and good luck”

And there we go, Adrien and I rushing to the plane once again.

Next stop: London

______________________

It wasn’t easy to convince Master Fu to come with us when he can’t remember Adrien, but somehow we managed to after insisting for a whole two days. Well, Adrien did, as expected.

After using one of the Zodiac Miraculous, one of the monks recognized Master Fu, and lent him one of the Miraculous with memory-related powers.

And old Master Fu was back. Along with his knowledge.

The old man cried and apologized to the monks for his mistake when he was young, and then to Adrien, for leaving them alone against Hawk Moth. Adrien then explained the situation with Marinette to Master Fu but the shock of what was happening was too big for him and he passed out for some hours.

As soon as he recovered he rushed to the gate to open the door, but nothing: memories and knowledge weren't enough to open the gate. He needed to become the guardian again, so they started a ritual to give him the guardian status permanently. The ritual took a few days… and we finally made it. Just in time: day 6.

Finally! Waiting while unable to do anything was frustrating and stressful.

Will we make it on time?

We need to hurry.

And it looks like a joke how easily the Master could open the gate to enter the cave after having his previous status back. We had tried everything and nothing. And yet, with one sole finger, Master Fu could completely open it. The power of the Guardian is surely impressive.

I nod to the team and we hurry inside, each one of us carrying a torch. Nino is taking care of Alya, who at the same time is looking up for Master Fu. Adrien is slightly in front of me and Chloe is grabbing my jacket from behind, scared of the dark. We move deeper into the cold darkness that surrounds us, guided only by Adrien’s compass.

Here we go, Marinette. Please, wait a little longer.

Don’t leave us. Don’t leave me!

___________________________

Torches guide us through darkness and we finally arrive at the room the Miraculous rest in. My throat hurts like hell from the shouting, but I don’t care if I’m not able to sing ever again: Marinette is much more important than that to me.

And there she is, in her rabbit miraculous suit and in front of the time portal: Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

I can only see her from afar but she looks beautiful in that suit…  long ears on her head and a cute ponytail. Wow. But now is not the time to admire her beauty. We must stop her before she disappears forever!

I'm so relieved we made it on time before she acts. It was a good thing Adrien’s plan about Master Fu worked. We made it barely on time, but on time, nevertheless. But we need to hurry. And I run, closer to her, still shouting.

Meeting Marinette’s eyes sparks something in me that seemed forgotten for a long time.

I love her. I love her so much.

How can I be without her now that I've met her again?

I can't.

My feelings are as strong than ever. My heart-beat is beating fast and is at this point when I want to believe she feels the same way the most.

I need to know. I’m ready to give everything else up for her. Can’t you see it, Marinette? I’ve never stopped loving you!

I can see how she's trying to run away from us, moving inside the time portal.

Shit! I won’t make it on time. I need to try to stop her with my words.

“Marinette… Marinette, please, stop! Don’t go in there, I beg you! Don't you have something to tell me? Let me listen to it from yourself, with your voice! Let me see your face so I can dare to believe it! Don't make me go after you across that portal or wherever you’re going to”

She seemed to be about to listen to me but her face suddenly lost her light. What happened? How could I let her become so sad? Is it my fault? I don't want her to go.

So I ran towards her, the fastest I can.

"Goodbye…" she says in an almost inaudible voice.

“NO!! Marinette!!!!"

And she slips through my fingers- just like the time we've been apart: lost forever.

No! No! No! DAMN IT! Was I late again? This can’t be! Please… I was so close!!

And just like that, all hope disappears from my heart. Broken again. Even worse than she told me ‘I hate you’.

I still wanted to apologize to her… To tell her so many things… To ask if it’s true I can have a future with her… but the portal in front of me is blank and my tears won’t stop falling like waterfalls. Any question is pointless now… I wish I could have apologized in front of her…

"Marinette… Sorry for being absent for so long. I’m sorry I left... I’m sorry for being selfish…I’m back now. Please… Come back… Is it too late...? Please… Please!”

I can feel the rest of the team sobbing with me, as I beg to Marinette to come back. I appreciate Adrien’s hand on my shoulder, in support, but the pain I’m feeling now is unbearable.

I failed… it's over...

I take a final hopeless look at the portal, waiting for something magical to come and erase us. But I find something unexpected instead: HOPE.

Marinette’s long rabbit ears from her magical suit are slightly coming out of the portal, which means- she’s still here.

It’s not over yet! I’m not giving up. Hell no!

NEVER AGAIN.

But I need to be careful with my words…

“Marinette… I know you can still hear me from the inside… Please, come out. We're here for you. Please… Come back…"

I’m not sure what the best words to convince her would be (I've never been good with words), but I have to try with what I’ve got. She’s not answering, as expected. Is she considering getting out or she’s already moving towards a new timeline? Her ears are not visible anymore, so I can't know. But I’m not willing to wait to find out. Yes, I can be impatient too- why does everyone seem surprised?

“You don’t want to come out? Very well, I'm coming in, then! I’ll get you out of here even if you don’t want me to. Excuse my rudeness, but you leave me no choice”

And her hands appear in front of me to stop my actions, just as my hand is about to touch the portal.

I hold a gasp when master Fu explains what happens to those who enter the portal without a magical suit. 

I didn’t know that. 

Not that I care about disintegrating- Marinette’s more important than myself at this point, and I don’t mind disappearing if her existence banishes from this world as well.

How I'm supposed to be happy in a world without Marinette, anyway? It's impossible.

And my heart gets filled with something warm the moment I can finally touch her hands. My long fingers find their way to lock with hers and I’ve never been more relieved than the moment she falls into my arms, after I pull her out of the magical time hole.

I missed her so much… Can I keep holding her forever? Can I be selfish this time? I'm so glad she's safe…

I thought I could feel her corresponding my feelings: love, need, comfort, relief… but I must have misunderstood again, because the sweetest dream becomes a nightmare the moment she speaks again…

“Plagg, Tikki, unify”

The darkest nightmare.

[devil-in-the-d3tails]

It’s the End of the World as We Know It - Chapter 1

summary: During the international quarantine in your first-ever pandemic, the people around you slowly begin to disappear. As the world grows quieter and quieter, you find yourself all alone-- no power, no friends, and only one goal: to find whoever of your friends might be left and reunite with them.You're naive to think anything can be that simple. As you're faced with ever-increasing loneliness, you run into some boys who apparently went to the same high school as you. Will you join forces with them to figure out your strange circumstances together, or will you brave loneliness in a world that is slowly crumbling apart?

Link on AO3!

words: 4,452

rating: M - Mature

genre: angst/humor, romance, adventure, apocalypse AU, reader-insert

warnings: sort of depressing content, a smidge of violence, cursing

a/n: hello, hello! this is my first fic for haikyuu (originally posted on AO3), and i wanted to post it on tumblr as well just for shits n gigs. please enjoy!

- Beginning of the End -

It was a Thursday the day everyone disappeared.

The world was quiet outside, but it was loud in your phone, on account of the international quarantine. Everyone was tweeting, making dumb videos, playing video games. You would sit in your room for hours on end, scrolling through your phone as you mourned the loss of your senior year of high school. No prom, no graduation, no more arts and crafts club. It was bad enough that your closest friend group had been disbanded before your senior year even started-- it was just bad luck, but they all left to live in different states while you were left alone in suburbia.

You stayed home with your mom while your dad went to work-- he was considered an essential worker, as he worked in the grocery store. Your mom was much more active than you, constantly cleaning or cooking or going for a walk. It was admirable, but it irritated you how she would always try and get you to interact with her activities. She did it because she was probably worried about you, and she was probably lonely. You were lonely, too-- your friends lived miles away in the vast expanse of the suburbs, and your home was tucked into the fringes of soccer mom society. Your backyard was larger than most, and it was perfect for when you would host kickbacks with your friends. Recently, however, you had no reason to use the large space.

On Thursday, you decided to put down your phone for a while and play fetch with your dog. She was the biggest and fluffiest best friend you’d ever had, a german shepherd named Indie, short for Indiana, as in the archaeologist. You thought the name was fitting, because she could find almost anything with her nose-- you and your mom had trained her to do that a few summers ago.

Your mom had gone on a walk before you decided to play fetch with the dog. You had left your phone on the kitchen table. It wasn’t until the sun began to set and you felt your arm begin to ache when you noticed that she’d been gone for a while.

You gave Indie her stick, though she sniffed and whined at you stressfully. You frowned, and let her inside as you checked your phone. A few notifications from your friends’ group chat:

 4:47pm

Kimi: Anybody else’s power go out?

Callie: omg i thought it was just Ohio!

Kimi: Nah, we got it in Connecticut, too.

Emily: New York, too!

They were asking if you had experienced the same thing.

 6:48pm

Me: i didnt notice, i was playing with indie. wbu, sami?

 Sami had moved to L.A., about two hours from your home, so you guys were able to hang out most weekends if you took the train or if she drove out to you. She didn’t even read the chat.

 6:48pm

Me: bitch i know ur in quarantine smh read my message

[Kimi, Callie, and Emily liked your message!]

 You dialed your mom’s number as you went to turn on the T.V., only to be met with static. You frowned, and surfed a few channels only to be met with more static before you turned it off. Her voicemail blared through your phone speakers, and that was when you started to worry.

You hung up, called your dad.

“Hey, honey!” He answered-- he must’ve been on break.

“Dad, did the power go out?”

“Yeah, for a couple minutes there. Did it happen at home, too?”

“Yeah…” You trailed off. Indie licked your hand, and whined some more. “Hey, mom’s not answering her phone and she’s been on a walk for a while. Like, three hours.”

“Huh.” Your dad let out a contemplative sigh. “Well, I’m sure she’ll be okay. Maybe she’s talking with the neighbors and her phone died.”

“Maybe.”

But maybe not. You had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, and Indie could sense it as you sat on the couch. She slowly tried to inch her way into your lap, as she never really had a good idea of her own large size. You just let her and scratched her ear.

“Listen, honey, I gotta go. But we can make mac-n-cheese for dinner, how’s that sound?”

“Good, dad.” You said, biting your lip. “Okay, see you when you get home.”

Then, you hung up, and you waited for your mom.

[-]

When your dad got home, you went out to search for your mom. On your tour of the neighborhood, you came across others who had broken quarantine and were searching for their loved ones, too. Saying they went for a walk, or to the store and they didn’t come back.

Your dad remained the voice of reason, saying things like well maybe their phone died, or this is all just some big prank we’ll all laugh about later. You stayed silent.

[-]

Saturday was when your dad didn’t come home. His car was nowhere to be found, but you didn’t trust yourself to drive your mom’s car just yet. Or rather, you didn’t want to drive it because you didn’t want to be reminded that it was permanently vacant. You walked all the way to the store an hour after he was supposed to have gotten off. Manager Dan wasn’t there, either-- nobody had seen your dad at all that day; he was a no-call, no-show.

You walked all the way back home.

9:52pm

Me: my dad’s gone now too

 10:05pm

Callie: fuck.

Callie: my sister…

 10:06pm

Kimi: I still haven’t heard from Sami.

Emily: Yeah, me neither.

 10:15pm

Me: we should check in every day with each other

[Callie and Emily liked your message!]

 10:32

Me: Kimi?

 [-]

It’s Thursday again.

Emily has stopped answering by now, and the frantic search parties that used to pass by your window every now and again have stopped, too. Even Twitter is quiet-- it seems with every passing day, more and more people go silent. As you lay on your bed with Indie at your feet, you keep refreshing your feed on every social media app, but nothing changes-- all of the posts are old. It feels like your world is shrinking while at the same time expanding into a terrifying void.

 5:38pm

Me: callie?

Callie: im here.

 You breathe a sigh of relief, which turns into a sob into your pillow.

 5:39pm

Me: idk how long we’ll have wifi or even electricity.

Callie: my parents are still here. Come to ohio, seriously.

 You bite your lip. You think about Sami, and how many times she pried the truth out of you when you were sad, how she was the only one who would sing with you at karaoke, how you promised to move to New York together.

 5:39pm

Me: i have to find sami.

Callie: please just come here. We need to stick together.

Me: i’ll find sami and we’ll come to ohio. Then we go to NY to look for em and kimi.

 5:45pm

Callie: okay. Please text.

Me: i will. I promise i’ll come to ohio.

 You bite your lip, and glance at your phone’s percentage: 43%. You sigh, and put it on the charger while you go downstairs to scrounge for breakfast. You only woke up about two hours ago, though you can’t sleep much, anyways. You think to yourself how your mom would be scolding you for waking up so late.

As you eat the last poptart, Indie lays down on your feet. You toss her a couple crumbs, she eats them gratefully. You sigh, and look at your now empty pantry-- you have to try and go to the grocery store, whether you like it or not. You only have your permit, but you know that you’re a terrible driver. Still, you get up and put on shoes and grab your jacket. You probably don’t have to worry about cops or the law anymore, anyway-- you suspect everything has disappeared.

You look at yourself in the mirror; you didn’t think your outfit for the apocalypse would be sweatpants and a hoodie. With a sigh, you change into jeans and a long sleeve, layer a flannel on top of that, and your favorite jacket on top of that. It’s cold outside-- much colder than you’re used to.

Based on the incredible silence on Facebook, you figure that most of the adults have disappeared. As you drive further and further into town, you notice some obvious signs of looting from once pristine houses: trash littering lawns, doors left wide open. You get the haunting realization that you’re perhaps the only person left in your neighborhood. It’s amazing how quickly things can turn in just a few days.

When you pull up to the grocery store, you notice there’s only one other car there-- a white van, stationed by the curb and still running. You actually pull into a parking spot like some kind of society bootlicker, and cautiously put the car in park and turn off the engine.

You watch the van for a moment, slowly becoming hyper-aware of the very real possibility that you might run into robbers. Your stomach growls, and you take a deep breath. You should’ve brought Indie.

Grocery bags in hand, you exit your soccer mom minivan and lock it. Steeling your nerves, you put one foot in front of the other. As if on cue, two figures hurry out of the store, glancing behind them before they notice you. The automatic doors have long since stopped running, so they just pause in the doorway while you freeze on the curb, the fumes from the van tickling your nose.

They’re both boys holding bags you assume to be filled with groceries: both around your age, one of them has gray and black spiked hair, and eyes as wide and aware as an owl’s. The one next to him has dark, short, almost curly hair, and his gaze is calculating and cold.

You take a small step back, unsure of what to say. They seem just as apprehensive, when the van door slides open forcefully.

“Hey, what are you doing? Get in!” Another boy, this one of a larger build than the two in front of you with jet black spiked hair, snaps angrily.

“Kuroo, we have a situation.” The curly-haired boy says evenly, though he’s tense. His knuckles are white holding his bags.

“Huh?” The one who must be Kuroo says, and cranes his neck to the side to spot you. “Oh, shit.”

“U-um…” You stutter out, and you suddenly feel extremely cornered-- it’s three against one, and what if they want to take your car? What if they have some kind of weird cult and need a girl for breeding? “I’m just gonna get some-- some poptarts and leave.”

“Holy shit!!” The gray haired one seems to have broken out of his stupor, and he rushes over to you, dropping his bags and their contents on the ground in order to grab your shoulders. “Another person! A-a girl!”

“Yes, she’s a girl…” The curly-haired one sighs, puts his bags in the van and begins to gather up the other one’s forgotten groceries.

“First one I’ve seen in a while.” Kuroo grins and hops from the car to stand beside the gray-haired one who still hasn’t let go of you. You don’t have the balls to tell him to get off-- you’re not sure how dangerous these boys are. “How long have you been hiding out?”

“Come with us! We’re at the high school.” The gray-haired one beams-- how could he possibly be smiling?

You don’t know what to say, so you look away. Your voice seems to be caught in your throat, and that’s extremely frustrating-- but you’re not about to cry in front of these guys.

“Quit it, Bokuto.” The curly-haired one is eyeing you carefully, though not as if you’re a threat. He seems to be the only one that can actually sense your discomfort. The one that’s holding you-- Bokuto-- sighs, and lets you go, instead putting his hands on his hips.

“We should at least help her.” He points out, and grins down at you. “What’s your name, anyway?”

“She’s not gonna tell you. Let’s just go home.” Kuroo shrugs, and you cross your arms.

You tell them your name, if only to spite the taller one. He turns with a grin, and it only just occurs to you that perhaps, that was reverse-psychology. You huff, and look away with a little bit of a blush.

“Like I said, I just need to get poptarts and some other things and then I’m going back home.” You mutter.

“We’re wasting gas.” The curly-haired one calls, as he has already sat in the front seat.

“Hold on, Akaashi!” Bokuto calls. “Listen, there aren’t anymore poptarts in there. None whatsoever.”

Your heart breaks a little, but you keep it together.

“There’s, like, rice and stuff, but I think that’s it.” He shrugs, and turns to get into the van. You bite your lip--  might as well ask rather than waste your time wandering around all alone.

“Is there any dog food left?”

“Huh? Dog food?” Bokuto is right back in front of you. He and Kuroo speak at the same time:

“You’re gonna eat dog food?” Bokuto says. “You have a dog?” Kuroo says, and the two boys glare at each other.

“Yeah…” You say, though you still haven’t gotten an answer to your question. “I mean, I have a dog.”

“Yeah, it’s in aisle five.” You hear the one called Akaashi tell you, without even bothering to turn to look at you.

“I know that.” You snap-- your dad used to work in this store, you know it pretty damn well. Akaashi glances back at you then, probably a little surprised by your defensive tone. You huff, annoyed at yourself for being so touchy. These were the first people you met after about three straight weeks in quarantine, and they might be the only people left for miles. You need to play nice.

“My dad works here.” You explain, looking down at your shoes. Kuroo nods, exchanges a glance with Bokuto. “Well, he used to.”

A silence falls over the group-- they know. You all know, now, what it’s like to lose a parent, or any loved one, for that matter. You blink quickly to fight back any tears that might threaten to escape.

“We’re staying at Karasuno High-- it’s the high school near Flat Top.” Kuroo says. “If you want to join us, we’re kind of setting up camp there.”

“There’s more of us!” Bokuto explains. “We’re gonna find some mattresses after this to bring ‘em back so we can all stick together.”

“Oh, cool.” You say half-heartedly, unsure of why exactly they’re inviting you over as if it’s some kind of fun sleepover. “Wait, you guys went to Karasuno?”

“Yeah! You, too?” Bokuto lights up, and you look at the three boys a little closer, though you don’t seem to recognize them.

“Yeah… but I don’t think we were in the same circles.” You finally smile a little, albeit sadly, now that you’re remembering all the things you’ll never be able to return to now that school and society are essentially gone.

“You ever go to any volleyball games?” Kuroo asks, obviously encouraged by your smile. You shake your head.

Akaashi has exited the van by now with a sigh, coming to stand beside his two friends as he takes a look around. “We need to get going. If you want to join us, you know where to find us. But it’s gonna be dark soon.”

That seems to smack some sense into the other two, and they exchange glances with one another. Kuroo nods, Bokuto sighs, and the two get back into the van. Akaashi pauses, and you accidentally lock eyes with him.

His gaze betrays nothing, and you wonder for a moment how he ever became friends with these two. He reaches into the van, and pulls out a familiar blue cardboard box, gives it to you.

You take the poptarts, and glance up at him questioningly-- he puts a finger to his lips with just the hint of a smile. You smile back.

“Listen, it’s great you have a dog-- keep him close. And get home before it gets dark. And…” He glances to the side uneasily. “Get a baseball bat or something.”

A chill goes up your spine at that last part, and you frown, but nod to the boy in front of you anyways. He returns the nod, and gets in the back of the van. You both share a glance at each other one more time, and it feels as if he wants to say something more, but he doesn’t. He just slides the door closed, and Bokuto waves to you out the window.

“Byee! Hopefully we’ll see you later-- hey, where’d you get those poptarts?!” Bokuto’s voice fades away as the van drives off, and you are once again left alone.

[-]

You gather a fair amount of stuff-- rope, for some reason is included in your loot. You always saw people in the movies get rope, so you figure you’ll find some use for it.

There aren’t any baseball bats, but you do find a hammer and a paring knife. It’s small, but better than nothing. You load up on the dog food, and even manage to haul two huge bags of kibble into your car. As you load it up, you can’t shake the feeling of someone watching you. Even though you look around and make certain that you’re the only person present, the feeling doesn’t go away. You sort of wish you’d gone with those boys now.

You aren’t surprised when the street lights don’t turn on, but you take that as your signal to leave. Even though you want to scrounge for more supplies, you don’t want to risk it. Akaashi’s words of warning hang over your head like a humid fog.

As you drive home, you can’t stop chewing on your lip. Even with your headlights on, it’s hard to see, but you don’t want to turn on your brights and draw more attention to yourself. Just get home, lock the doors, and check in with Callie.

You park the car in your backyard because the garage door won’t open-- the power’s finally gone out. You close the backyard gate and lock it as soon as you’re out of the car, but somehow you still feel uneasy.

As you enter your dark home, you softly call out Indie’s name, and you hear her scamper up to you.

“Good girl,” You whisper, and scratch her ear. You decide to leave the larger groceries in the car for now, as you don’t want to go back outside and keep making trips of transferring the supplies into your house. For now, you need to sleep so that you can ignore the hunger in your belly and stretch out your rations just a little further.

Indie guides you up the stairs and into your bedroom as you set your bag down heavily. You come across your phone with dismay, finding that it hasn’t charged at all since you left, and is now at 7%. You bite your lip, and open up the almost abandoned group chat.

 9:57pm

Me: callie im gonna come to ohio soon. I think we are gonna lose connection tho. Idk if this will even send, but ill see u in ohio. I love you.

 The message doesn’t send. You shudder out a sigh, and you’re grateful when Indie nuzzles into your side.

Your phone finally shuts off, though it’s useless now, anyway. You crawl into your bed and Indie curls up next to you, and you fall into an uneasy sleep.

[-]

“Shh!”

You jolt awake at the hissing sound that’s coming from downstairs. Indie is tense and alert, and she licks your elbow. You sit up, and vaguely note the time: 3:37am.

There’s some shuffling, and you see the beam of what you assume to be a flashlight shakily illuminate the walls downstairs. You didn’t close your bedroom door when you came in, because you assumed that you were alone.

‘Stupid…’ You think to yourself as you grip Indie’s collar. She begins to growl, but you shush her quickly, though she flattens her ears back at you. Letting out a shaky breath, you crawl off of your bed as silently as you can manage, and reach for the hammer and paring knife in your bag.

Indie follows you as you venture into the hallway, and you perch behind the bars of your stairs as the hushed conversation down below becomes clearer.

“Just find whatever food you can and let’s go.” A deep male voice cuts through the silence.

“We need to check the car! There’s nothing here.” A stranger male voice answers, and giggles. “We should find the girl instead.”

You tense, and grip the hammer a little tighter.

“I don’t care about her. I just want her stuff.” The deep voice asserts, and you wonder what you should do next. Storm downstairs and hammer them to death? You’ve never fought anybody before, let alone killed someone. Your hands are becoming clammy, and you don’t notice the pregnant pause in the conversation downstairs.

It isn’t until you see a head of brown hair come into view that you’re snapped from your thoughts. Indie can’t help herself-- she barks, and bolts down the stairs before you can stop her. The two boys yell in surprise, and you watch as she tackles the tall one with brown hair. Meanwhile, the other one comes into view-- he has large, droopy eyes with spiked red hair, and he looks excited when he catches sight of you.

“There she is!” He coos, and begins to walk upstairs. You gasp, and you know in this split second that your home is no longer yours-- you need to get away. In one fluid motion, you run into your room to grab your single bag of groceries. It’s heavy, but you don’t notice as adrenaline rushes through your veins.

When you turn to run down the stairs, the red-head catches you by both of your upper arms. He licks his chapped lips, and your knee jerks out to hit his groin. He yelps and doubles over, and you fly down the stairs.

“Indie!” You whistle, and she actually bounds from the living room over the couch, to skid by your side. You swipe the car keys off the counter, rip the sliding glass door open, and use the fob to unlock the car. You open the passenger for Indie, she leaps in as you toss the bag and your hammer and knife in behind her, you slam the door closed, and hop over the hood of the car.

As you turn to open the driver’s side door, you watch as the red-head runs in slow motion from your stairs to the exit to your backyard. You don’t breathe or shake as you turn the ignition, throw the car in reverse, then drive, and plow through your flimsy backyard gate as you push your little soccer van to its limits.

Tires skid as you swerve onto the street, and you press down so hard on the gas, that a few minutes later, you don’t register that you’re going 90 miles an hour in the suburbs. Houses pass you at incredible speed, and you ease up on the pedal when Indie licks your cheek. You stare straight ahead, and subconsciously, you drive towards your high school. Those three boys were nice to you-- they warned you, and you didn’t listen. They even tried to help you and include you, and you flat out denied them.

You slam on the brakes as you turn into Karasuno High’s parking lot. It’s only now that you realize that you didn’t fasten your seat belt, and you shut off the car with a shaky breath. The front of the school looms over you, and you wonder for a moment if they’re even here-- was it all a joke? What if they turn you away because you were such a bitch earlier? No matter how many scenarios you run through your head, you come to the same conclusion every time: you can’t go back home, and you’re already here, so you may as well investigate. You grab your hammer and get out of the car, and Indie follows behind. You close and lock the doors, pocketing the keys, and turn towards the school you’ve known for three and a half years.

The front gates are locked, of course. You wander the perimeter of the school, Indie trotting beside you the whole way. The school looks different in the dark-- it feels different, too. It’s like you’re walking in a dream, or some sort of in-between space. You shouldn’t be awake, and you definitely shouldn’t be here, but you are. It’s strange. Everything is bathed in moonlight, so it’s all a very specific shade of blue that makes you feel like you’re underwater.

You come upon the gym in the back of the school, and you’re startled to hear voices coming from inside. You tip-toe up to the doors, and Indie sniffs curiously. 

“If your leg gets cut off, would it hurt?”

“Please just go to sleep.”

“Duh!” A third voice chimes in, and the second voice groans.

“How, though?” The first voice presses.

“‘Cause your leg got cut off, dumbass.” Third voice answers.

“Where’re you gonna feel the pain?”

“In your leg…” The third voice trails off.

“Exactly, man. How’re you gonna feel the pain in your leg if--”

“--if your leg is gone?!” The first and third voice finish together, and you hear the second person groan.

“I’m going outside.” He says, and as his voice gets louder, you stumble away from the door just as it opens.

You blink rapidly and your jaw drops-- Akaashi stands in front of you, brows furrowed and eyes wide. You can’t believe they’re actually here.

“Akaashi?” Someone calls from inside. Akaashi opens his mouth to respond, but glances at Indie when she sniffs his hand curiously. He pets her absent-mindedly as his gaze wanders back to yours.

Bokuto and Kuroo pop up behind him a second later, and they’re just as surprised as Akaashi. Indie sniffs them in turn, and her tail begins to wag.

You drop your hammer with a thud, and sniffle like a toddler before letting out a sob you didn’t know you’d been holding.

“C-can I stay with you?”

[luciddeparture]

Is Meditation for Morons?

I’m can’t exactly recall the first time I decided to meditate. I just know what happened when I finally bothered to learn how to. It has since had a profound effect on my life. 

Now I know what you are probably thinking… “Meditation? I don’t need any of that woo woo crap in my life.” That’s at least how I used to feel about it, but who knows? Maybe you are a little bit less cynical than I was. 

It is somewhat ironic that I am now the one who is writing a blog on meditation and its benefits.

When I first heard about meditation I immediately dismissed it, until I rediscovered it about two years ago whilst listening to a podcast called The Tim Ferris Show. The podcast is a series of interviews where Tim Ferris interviews top performers in a variety of fields from all around the world. Surprisingly, over “80% of the people [he] interviews have some form of meditation practice”. That’s a significant percentage! I’m by no means insinuating that we all need to be world-class performers, but I feel that it could not hurt to learn from those who are achieving high levels of success. Especially when there is an easily identifiable common trait, which in this case is meditation. 

It slowly became clearer and clearer to me that meditation might be less bullshit than I had originally anticipated. 

Before we get into things, it is important to acknowledge that although meditation is now becoming increasingly commercialised and “trendy” in Western Cultures, meditation has been a huge component of many spiritual practices for many hundreds of years. In the East, meditation played a huge role in particular in both Hinduism and Buddhism. The earliest records of Meditation can be found in the Vedas, a religious text written in Sanskrit in 500bc.  After reading the Vedas the Buddha added his own spin too, developing his own technique called Satipatthana, which is now most commonly known as Mindfulness. The direct translation is Sati (Attention) or (Remember) + Upa (Inside) + Thana (to keep) So Satipatthana means: To keep your attention inside. 

Transcendental Meditation was introduced to the West in part by the popular culture of the 1960’s. A notable contribution was The Beatles sharing their experiences after visiting India. Although Mindfulness meditation was introduced much later to Western Cultures. Throughout this article I will primarily be discussing the effects of Mindfulness Meditation.

Over the last few years, the process of meditation, as well as its effects, has become a rapidly expanding subfield of neurological research. One of the most interesting experiments involved scientists conducting tests on a Monk, finding that although he was 41 he had the brain of a 33 year old. They gave him an FMRI scan while asking him to cultivate a sense of compassion by meditating, and the neural activity in his empathy circuits grew by 700-800%!  One of the researches later wrote “Such an extreme increase befuddles science.” 

When most of us anticipate getting burned our pain receptors act as though we are already suffering. So much so that when the pain actually comes nothing really changes. Once the physical stimulus stops the mental pain slowly subsides. Expert meditators act much less in anticipation of the pain and feel the pain more intensely while the stimulus is present. Their awareness of the pain ceases immediately as soon as the stimulus is removed.  

Interestingly enough, the emotional centre for  the brain, the Amygdala, acts in a similar fashion to the pain response. Meditators are often much better at responding in anticipation to emotional stress.

I’m someone who has always lived predominately inside their thoughts, probably leaning on the more erratic side. The thought of being able to sit in silence sorta freaked me out, not to mention seeming borderline impossible.

To understand what my mind looks like, you need to look no further than The Simpsons. Remember that scene where Homer is listening to Marge and inside his brain a monkey is clanging symbols? That’s the relationship I had with my brain almost all of the time. I believe this is the same for most of us. 

Let’s put this to the test. You, my lucky reader, can be the test subject of a little experiment on your own psyche. For the next minute, I want you to close your eyes and just do your best to focus solely on your breath. 3…2..1. GO! 

How did you go? Did you get lost in your thoughts? Did you forget entirely that you were even trying to focus at all? Where did your mind take you? Your relationship (or lack of)? Work? Or maybe even what you might have for dinner?

I found that when I first began meditating my mind would sometimes find itself distracted on the most obscure things. The reason why I am illustrating this point is because often when I speak to others who have tried meditation for the first time, I hear “I tried meditation, and it’s not for me - I just think too much”. I hate to say it, but these are the people who probably should be learning to meditate most of all. 

The way I see meditation, is similar to closing background apps on your phone. It saves battery, and it just makes your phone faster. No brainer. I believe the same is true with meditation and giving your brain a break from constantly thinking. 

A lot of the people who are reading this article will have grown up with internet access. Therefore,  you have been bombarded with external stimuli in each and every moment. Bzzz, Bzzzz, Bzzzzzzzz. I’m sure that most of you will have received a messages even whilst reading this article.

Our brains have been over stimulated and are in a constant state of overdrive. Even when we are asleep our brains are constantly thinking, even if it is in the form of dreams! Obviously that isn’t a negative on it’s own, in fact sleep is crucial for the brain. But when you add everything up it’s a lot for a brain that has only been subject to this much stimuli for around 15 years - the first iPhone only came out 13 years ago. 

As you discovered just before, learning to “not think” doesn’t happen instantly. Like you, when I first attempted to sit in silence and tried to focus on my breath it did not work. My monkey mind remained supreme. Once again I was convinced that it wasn’t for me. But like all skills, meditation takes time and discipline to both learn, and improve. 

I’m not saying this to deter you, it’s just the truth. An easy comparison might be to say that you wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument. It would be ridiculous to expect that you would be able to play your favourite song after your first time attempting to pick up the instrument. The same logic can be applied to meditation. It takes time, practice and discipline - however unlike musical instruments, you bring your mind to all situations in life. In my opinion, sharpening your ability to think is well worth the investment. According to scientific studies Mindfulness meditation induces big changes in the minds of experts, but when beginners first meditate not much happens.

At its core, the aim of meditation is to become more present in each moment by focusing and training attention and awareness. This is to achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state. This in turn gives you the ability to have significantly more control of how you react to external and internal stimuli when they arise in your life.

In Mindfulness meditation, the goal is to act as an observer whilst focusing on your breath, watching your conscious experience as thoughts and sensations arise and disappear. 

As mentioned earlier we are often multi tasking, with tech and external stimuli, but even whilst we are not, we remain deep in thought. We are often living in the past or in the future through memory rather than in each and every moment.  

Meditation helps you learn how to not be constantly reactive to stimuli on the inside or outside. When I meditate, I find that it simply quiets my mind. It’s a simple reset of the brain allowing me to slow down and focus solely on the present. 

Another way of looking at it is that meditation is like going to the gym. You can see it as a way of working out your mind. To begin with your mind will wander, time traveling from the past to the future. But with practice you can slowly train your mind to become more present.

Being present throughout the day allows me to consciously make better decisions, rather than just remaining on autopilot. 

As hedge fund billionaire Ray Dalio puts it “When you're centred, your emotions are not hijacking you”. “Meditation is 'the single most important reason for my success.”

If you are looking to start meditation, Mindfulness meditation apps are a great way to initially learn how to meditate. I still find myself using one most days. Having tried all of them, I would recommend Sam Harris’ Waking Up app. Its thirty day training course is clear and concise and an awesome starting point to learn how to meditate. After that, new daily meditations appear on the app. Harris is a Neuroscientist and an Atheist and breaks meditation down in a way that is less spiritual which might make more sense to a western audience. 

Worried it’s going to cost too much? If you can’t afford a subscription, you can email the help section and receive a one year free subscription. No questions asked. You have no excuse not to try it! 

Other Mindfulness app alternatives are: 

- Headspace - Andy Puddicombe

- Smiling Mind (An Australian non-profit alternative)

For further learning check out these guys:

Sam Harris, Mooji, Ram Dass and Andy Puddicombe

I am by no means an expert in this field, I just wanted to share something which has improved the quality of my life by at least 10%. I hope that it works for you too! 

[allthingsfangirl101]

RA&L Chapter 18: Results and A Confession

Masterlist

"Della. . . Della. . . Adeline. . ."

I hummed when I heard someone mumble my name over and over. I jumped when I felt someone kiss my nose. I opened my eyes to see Dylan resting his chin on the side of my bed.

"What?" I mumbled, still sleepy. He laughed as he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my lips, making me smile. I sat up and ran my hands through my hair as Dylan sat next to me, wrapping his arm around me.

"How was your nap?" He asked teasingly.

"Not long enough," I mumbled as I leaned my head on his chest. We sat like that for a few minutes as Dylan gently rubbed my arm.

"Well, I might have some news that will perk you up." He said, breaking the silence. I hummed still a little sleepy.

"I won."

I sat up and looked at him like he was crazy. "You won what?" I asked, almost skeptically.

"The bet we made yesterday." He laughed when he saw the confusion on my face. "Remember? I bet you that your test results would come back strong and healthy. Then, if I won, I got to take you out on a real date away from this center."

My cheeks burned as he smiled at me. "Technically, I haven't gotten my results back yet," I teased. He sent me a knowing look before leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to my nose.

"Either way," he sighed, pulling me back into his chest as he laid us against the headboard. "I'm taking you out on a real, out-of-this-center date. The kind I would've taken you on for our first date if we had met under different circumstances."

"If Eric lets us," I mumbled.

"He will." I could practically hear the smirk on his face.

"Oh yeah?" I teased. "And how do you know that?"

"Because I already asked him," he said simply. I playfully hit his chest causing him to laugh.

We spent the next couple of hours watching Netflix. In between episodes, there was a knock at the door. We looked over to see Eric peeking his head in.

"Hey you two," he smirked as he walked in. When he did, I saw a folder in his hands.

My results.

My eyes widened when I made that connection. He must have seen the look on my face as I sat up because he laughed.

"So?" Dylan asked, breaking my staring contest with the folder of results.

"Great news, Della," Eric started. "You're even better than we anticipated."

"Really?" I asked, my voice getting stuck in my throat and not because of my vocal cords. Eric smiled as he nodded. Happy tears started to build up as I felt Dylan tighten his arm around my waist.

"Your vocal cords are still scared, they always will be but they're healing. They'll always be a little damaged but the tests we ran yesterday have proven that you have about 85% of your usage back."

"85," I said under my breath. "Does that mean. . ."

The smile on his face fell when I didn't finish my question.

"Unfortunately," he cleared his throat, "the 15% you're missing is keeping you from being able to sing. I'm sorry, Della, but your vocal cords aren't strong enough for you to be able to sing and they may never be."

I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment as Dylan and Eric shared a knowing look. I took a shaky breath, trying to look on the bright side.

"At least I'm better," I said, looking back up at them. I smiled, even though it didn't reach my eyes.

There was an awkward silence as we let the news sink in. I looked over when I saw the smile on Dylan's face.

"Hey Eric," he started. "If Della is 85%, does that mean I can take her out on a date away from the center. Alone?"

His question instantly made Eric smile. I looked between the matching, almost evil, smiles on their faces. "Why, yes. That does mean you can take her on a date away from the center. Alone."

"I'm not sure I want to be alone with either one of you right now," I said slowly, causing them to laugh.

"But in all seriousness, yes Dylan. You can take Della on a date outside of the center," Eric said, bringing seriousness back to the room.

"That actually brings us to the other part of the good news I have for you, Della. Do you remember when you first got here, we told you your percentage had to be above a certain number before you can head home?"

"No," I said hesitantly. The look on his face made me feel suddenly uneasy.

"Well, originally you needed to be above 70% before we could send you home."

"She hit that," Dylan mumbled.

"She did," Eric laughed. "And then some."

"Wait," I cut off their excited laughter. "If I'm at 85 when I needed to be at 70. . . Does this mean. . . Does this mean I get to go home?"

"It does," Eric smiled at me. "All I have to do is call your parents and start the paperwork. That'll take a few days to get finalized, probably by next week. But that means this is your last week at the center, Della."

I jumped up and ran over to him, quickly wrapping him in a tight hug. I cried as he hugged me back. "I told you we'd get you better," he whispered into my ear.

I pulled out of the hug, completely speechless. "I can't believe. . . After all this time. . . I'm finally going home?" I said excitedly, making Eric and Dylan laugh.

"Yep," Eric laughed. "I"m sure your brothers will be very excited."

My eyes started to water again when I thought about my family and everything they've gone through.

"Oh, Della," Eric sighed when he saw the tears start to stream down my cheeks. He pulled me back into a hug and gently rubbed my back.

"Your brothers are going to be so excited to hear that you get to come home. I know for a fact that your parents have left your room just like you did, waiting for you to come home. All your work, all the tests, all the pain has finally paid off. Congratulations, kiddo."

                       * * * * *

I looked in the mirror at my reflection. I was wearing the only dress I brought to the center, the one I haven't worn since before the accident. I started nervously chewing on my bottom lip as I thought about how things were finally changing.

Things were going great between Dylan and me, I was above my improvement percentage, and was going home as soon as the paperwork was finalized. I couldn't decide which of those two were more unbelievable; the fact that I was in a happy relationship that I never thought I'd be in or that I was finally leaving this center and going home, back with my family.

I jumped when there was a knock at my door. I took a shaky breath as I grabbed my phone, put it into my purse, and walked to the door. When I opened it, a smile instantly formed on my face as I saw Dylan standing in the hallway, in a suit. He reached up and scratched the back of his head, smiling at me.

"Wow," he sighed. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," I blushed as I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. He grabbed my hand and led me out of the center.

I tried to ignore the several glances he sent my way as we drove to dinner. Dylan pulled up to the restaurant and parked in front of the valet stand. He got out as a valet opened the door for me. I smiled politely as he helped me out.

As Dylan jogged around and grabbed my hand, two black vans pulled up. I looked at him, instantly seeing the nerves on his face.

"Shit," he mumbled as he tried to lead me into the restaurant. Before we got to the door, guys with cameras jumped out of the vans and started taking pictures of us.

Dylan quickly pulled me into the restaurant before they could corner us. We were both breathing hard, my heart rate slowing down as we got safely inside.

"I'm so sorry, Della," Dylan said as the doorman kept the paparazzi from coming inside the restaurant. "People are always following me. I should've been more careful when I visited you every day. I'm so sorry, Della."

I cut him off by reaching up, cupping his cheek in my hand and standing on my toes to press a soft kiss to his lips. I pulled away and bit my lip as my cheeks burned.

"It's okay," I whispered as I let go of his cheek and grabbed his hand. "I understand it's part of your life. And I. . . I want to be in your life so. . ."

I bit my lip when he smiled down at me. "I want you in my life too," he smiled before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. Our lips moved in sync until we noticed lights flashing outside the glass windows. We pulled apart, our cheeks burning when we saw the paparazzi taking pictures of us making out.

Dylan grabbed my hand and led me to the hostess. "Sorry," he whispered with a small laugh.

"It's okay," I whispered back.

Luckily, we weren't bothered the rest of dinner. We ate without anyone taking pictures of us and without anyone bothering us. Dylan had just paid the bill when he looked up at me, a strange look in his eyes.

After dinner, we decided to walk through the park. I noticed he was especially quiet as we left the restaurant and headed to the park. I waited until we had started our walk before speaking up.

"You okay?" I asked. "You've been acting kind of weird since we left dinner."

"Yeah," he laughed, scratching the back of his neck. He bit his lip before reaching over and grabbing my hand.

Suddenly, he stopped walking making me stop next to him. He took a shaky breath, slowly looking up from our hands and at me. He continually opened and closed his mouth, struggling to find the right words. I sent him a soft smile, waiting patiently for him.

"Adeline," he said slowly.

"Adeline? Uh-oh," I tried to joke to lighten the mood and ease some of his tension. "Am I in trouble?"

"No," he laughed. "It's not. . ."

He stopped talking, the seriousness returning to his face. "Della, I know you keep telling me I don't need to be guilty for what I did to you, but. . ."

"Dylan," I tried to cut him off.

"Please, let me finish. I need to get this out," he said quickly. I nodded as he took a deep breath. "I know you aren't angry with me, but I'm furious with myself. I destroyed your life, Della. To make it worse, I got away with it. When it happened, I didn't care about other people or how my actions would affect anyone but me. I was selfish and stubborn and. . . I was a dick, Della. And knowing that? Remembering how I acted makes me feel like I don't deserve you."

He paused, looking away from me. My heart broke as he slowly let go of my hands. Before he could put his hands in his pockets, I quickly grabbed them and intertwined our fingers.

"Dylan," I said gently. "Please look at me."

He sighed before slowly looking up at me. I sent him a smile as our eyes met. "I hate that you think you don't deserve me. You have no reason to think that."

"But, I. . ." He tried to jump in but I shook my head, cutting him off.

"The guy you were back then, isn't who you are now. The guy who got in our accident isn't who is standing in front of me right now. The guy who is the reason I spent that past year and a half in and out of remission, isn't whose hand I'm holding. The guy who was selfish and only cared about himself isn't who has spent the past few months doing everything in his power to make me happy. The guy I know, the guy in front of me is caring, kind, funny, selfless, and never fails to make me smile. That's who you are now. That's who you are to me."

I gasped as he suddenly let go of my hands, grabbed my face, and pressed his lips to mine. I instantly started moving my lips against his. As we kissed, he slowly let go of my face and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I snaked my arms around his neck as our lips continued to move in sync. Dylan was the first one to pull away. He leaned his forehead against mine as we caught our breaths.

"Della, I need to tell you something." He whispered. He leaned back, looking directly into my eyes. He reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering on my cheek.

"What is it?" I asked when he didn't continue. "You can tell me anything."

He smiled down at me, slightly hesitating. I waited as he took a deep breath.

"Della, I think I might be falling in love with you."

His confession made my breath get caught in my throat. I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his. Dylan laughed into the kiss as he started moving his lips against mine. This time, I was the first to pull away.

"I think I might be falling in love with you too, Dylan."

He let out a sigh of relief that quickly turned into a laugh. I gasped and giggled like a little kid as he picked me up and spun us around. He put me back on my feet, not letting go of me.

He opened and closed his mouth, struggling to find the right words for a different reason. He laughed before pulling me back into his chest and pressing his lips back to mine.

The butterflies in my stomach went crazy as our lips moved in sync. I felt Dylan slide his tongue across my bottom lip, asking for permission. As soon as I gave him access, his tongue started exploring my mouth.

He pulled apart when there was a flash. We laughed as he grabbed my hand and led me away. We quickly lost them as we ran back to his car. He opened my door before sliding across the hood to his side.

"Was the slide necessary?" I laughed as he jumped in and started his car.

"I say if you can do it, do it." He reached across and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss as our lips started moving in sync.

Dylan pulled away from the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine. "You make me extremely happy, Della," he whispered.

I leaned back, instantly reaching up and cupping his cheek in my hand. "I owe you a lot, Dylan." I laughed when I saw the look on his face. "Yes, that. But also. . . Before you came to the center and started forcing yourself into my life, I was really struggling." My voice broke as I told him the truth.

He grabbed my hand that was holding his cheek, intertwining our fingers. "The truth is, Dylan. . . Do you remember when Evan was showing you around and you walked into the music room? I was at the piano playing a song I used to sing all the time. What you may not have seen or heard was Evan walking over to me and whispering for me not to stay and torture myself."

"Torture yourself?" Those two words got caught in Dylan's throat. I nodded as I nervously bit my lip.

"Whenever I got really depressed and needed to feel something, I'd go to the music room. Playing the piano used to relax me but after the accident, it became a painful reminder. The day you came to the center, I woke up that morning feeling. . . Feeling like I couldn't do it anymore. I was ready to give up, Dylan. I was ready to end my pain and my misery. But then you. . ."

My voice broke as I saw his eyes start to water, I reached forward and caught a tear that escaped his eye.

"You gave me a reason to keep pushing. I wanted to see what you would do. You started paying attention to me, wanting to be in my life. Ever since I met you, I haven't gone back to the music room. I know you think you ruined my life, but it's the exact opposite, Dylan." I laughed awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood. "You saved me."

Dylan reached over and cupped my cheek in his hand. "You saved me, Della." He whispered. Before I could say anything else, he pressed his lips to mine. I didn't hesitate to start moving my lips against his.

The kiss got heated fasted as he let go of my cheek and reached across my body to grab my hip. With our lips still moving in sync, Dylan turned me so I was facing him.

Dylan broke the kiss and didn't hesitate to move his lips to my neck. I let out a small moan as he kissed up and down my neck, leaving a trail of wet bruises. My breathing sped up and I tilted my head back as he kissed my collarbone, biting slightly.

"Dylan," I moaned when he sucked on a part of my skin that sent a bolt of electricity through my entire body. He pulled away from my neck, a loud popping sound filling the car.

He smiled as he pressed his lips back to mine. Our lips instantly started moving in sync as I reached forward and snaked my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. We finally pulled apart when both of us were struggling to breathe.

Dylan leaned his forehead against mine as we caught our breaths. "We should probably go," he whispered still out of breath. "Especially before the paparazzi find us."

I nodded, biting my lip. He leaned back and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "You okay?" He smirked when he saw the redness on my cheeks.

"I. . . I'm just," I stuttered. "That was one hell of a kiss."

"Yeah, it was," he laughed.

I bit my lip, suddenly embarrassed. "What is it?" Dylan asked, scanning my face.

"Dylan, the thing is. . ." I hesitated as I saw the way he was looking at me. "I don't want you to think that I'm. . . Or there's a reason. . ."

"Della," he said, grabbing my hands. "Just say what's making you make your "Della Worried" face." I bit my lip, a small smile forming at his teasing.

"I've never done this before," I sighed. "I've never had a real relationship."

"Della," he said with a small smile. "I don't care that you've never had a boyfriend. That doesn't bother me. It surprises me a little because of how amazing you are, but it doesn't bother me."

"It's just," I sighed. "My life revolved around my singing. I didn't have time for a boyfriend. I have time now and I. . . I'm scared."

Dylan leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss wasn't near as heated as the one before but there was even more emotion behind it. He pulled away, not looking away from me.

"I'm scared too," he whispered.

"Really?" I asked, my voice getting caught in my throat.

"Yes, really." He smirked at me playfully. The smirk was quickly replaced with his genuine smile. "I've never been in a relationship like this. Meaning, I've never felt this way about a girl before. And now that I have? There is no way in hell I am letting it, letting you go."

[camryndaytona]

Cassandra Clare

Cassandra Clare is one of the most popular and successful young adult authors of today, however, a huge percentage of her fans have no idea of her past where she was know more for her bullying than her writing. I started this as a post on my “You Should Know” instagram, but eventually it got way too big and I had to create a post for it as well.

Terms to Know

Big Name Fan

Or “BNF” is an old term mostly used during the early 2000s, before ff.net or AO3.

They were the biggest names in fandom, producing the most popular art or fanfics.

Getting on the wrong side of a BNF could lock you out from the entire fandom, as you would be blocked from any forum they (or they friends) moderated.

The Inner Circle

In the early 2000s the Harry Potter fandom was essentially ruled by the Inner Circle. 

Although most of the Inner Circle changed constantly due to fandom drama and scandals, one member stayed for almost it’s entire duration: Cassie Claire

ff.net

Fanfiction.net

One of the early and most popular sites for hosting fanfiction.

The Draco Trilogy

Draco Dormiens

Author’s Summary: When an accident in Potions class turns Harry into Draco and Draco into Harry, each is trapped playing the part of the other. Romance, mistaken identities, Really Cunning Plans, evil bake sales, a love triangle, and snogs galore.

Draco Sinister

Author’s Summary: When Hermione is kidnapped, Harry and Draco must team up to rescue her from a thousand-year-old evil that threatens the entire wizarding world. Cursed demon swords, love potions, time travel, dementors, flying dragons, Draco wears leather, and everybody dies at least once. Except when they don’t.

It is notable for being the source of the Draco in Leather Pants trope as well as the catalyst for the Cassandra Claire plagiarism wank.

Draco Veritas

Author’s Summary: The sequel to Draco Sinister, featuring winter at Hogwarts, snogging, Quidditch, mysterious things and Rhysenn Malfoy.

Why was the Trilogy so popular?

As most people in fandom probably know, there’s usually two subsets of shippers: gay and straight (please note that, back in the early 2000s, there was still a lot of homophobia, and the heterosexual ships were undeniably more popular for that reason).

Since The Draco Trilogy had both Draco/Hermione and a lot of Harry/Draco subtext, fans of both ships flocked to the fic.

The Plagiarism 

Although she’d done it all along, it wasn’t until the second fanfic, Draco Sinister, that fans began to catch on. What was “it?”

Cassie including a lot of quotations from other work. And I mean a LOT. She lifted entire conversations and paragraphs from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Black Adder, Red Dwarf, and Terry Pratchett. At first she didn’t even mention this “inspiration,” so everyone assumed that this wit was all hers.

Once she was called out, she put a standard disclaimer at the top of her work, which was worded to imply that she might have borrowed a few, small quotes here and there, not that she was taking paragraphs and scenes. When she was called out for her continued plagiarism she switched to claiming that she “forgot” what her sources were.

Finally a former fan called Avocado got tired of it and reported her to ff.net. Within a day her works were taken down.

Predictably the fandom melted down over this and accusations began to fly. Cassie used her status as a BNF to ban anyone mildly critical of her from any message board or mailing list. A friend of Cassie’s claimed to be a real life lawyer and harrassed young fans with seemingly legal threats. There are even threats of people calling the police in an early form of “swatting.” Cassie tried to get a “hater” kicked out of university for “hacking” her and a REAL lawyer had to be involved before Cassie admitting to making it all up.

After all that began to die down, as she was working on the third installment of the trilogy, Cassie began accusing her friend and fellow BNF, Aja, of plagiarizing her. When that failed to incite the anger she wanted against Aja, Cassie began to claim that Aja was posting leaked spoilers for the Draco Trilogy. This infighting between the two lead to the collapse of The Inner Circle.

Laptop Gate

Although the third part of the Trilogy wasn’t as popular as the first two, due to the plagiarism scandal, it still racked up a ton of views when she began posting it. So when there was a potential threat to the continuation of the saga, readers were horrified.

This potential threat was a break in and the loss of Cassie’s computer.

Almost immediately after the robbery was announced Cassie’s lawyer friend (who was also her roommate) popped up again. This time, they were raising money to replace the laptops of Cassie and her roommates that had been stolen in the break in. Any extra money from the fundraiser would go to some vaguely mentioned charity.

Divisive comments poured in.

Some people expressed frustration that more “meaningful” fundraisers (like someone who had lost everything in a fire) didn’t get anywhere near as much attention and support.

Fans were even less happy when no proof was provided of either the break in or the charitable donation of excess funds (which was reported to be over $10,000).

When called out they changed the subject and posted links to another fan that was also fundraising (although they never posted any charity before or after, even when asked to do so the lawyer friend claimed to be “too busy” to share a link).

Published Works

After enjoying her celebrity as the Queen of Fanfiction, it’s no surprise that Cassie decided to venture into actual, original published works.

Except they weren’t that original, because it’s Cassie and she really, really seems to like “borrowing” from herself and others.

Let’s start with some name changes

Cassie

Cassandra Claire (with an i) is her fanfiction name

Cassandra Clare (without an i) is her published name

You may be surprised by how well this name change suited her. For a long time, before exposes began to be posted, you could google her published name without finding out about her history in fandom. Additionally, some of her victims from her fanfic days read her published books without realizing who the author actually was (until they started to recognize the quotes and paragraphs that she’d lifted straight from her fanfiction)

Her Writing

“Mortal Instruments” is Cassie’s Ginny/Ron incest romance fanfiction.

“The Mortal Instruments” is Cassie’s published work, about two fake siblings who fall in love with each other.

Similarities to Harry Potter

Now I haven’t read Mortal Instruments or The Mortal Instruments so I’ll let someone who has read them both do some explaining:

When I opened the book, I knew that Clary was Ginny. Alec was Harry. Isabelle was Clare’s version of Blaise (who back then was not officially male or female, and could therefore be interpreted by fandom either way). Valentine was a strange mixture of Lucius and Voldemort. And Jace, of course, was undeniably Draco.

Jace is so Draco, in fact, that it’s impossible to see him as his own character. The way Clare characterizes Jace is the exact same way she characterized her Draco. They share lines (the ones she didn’t steal from Buffy, of course), they share nervous tics, they share appearances, and they even share memories. The second I read the scene in which Jace tells Clary the story about the boy and the falcon, I felt an unpleasant jolt of recognition: that story is one Draco tells in one of the Draco Trilogy installments. I couldn’t remember which one. I couldn’t even remember who Draco told it to (Harry? Ginny? Hermione?). But I knew it was if not word for word taken from her fanfiction, it was very, very close.

Yikes. That’s a lot of similarities.

The same person I quoted about went on to say that the fanfiction was still much better than her published work, and that she’d rather re-read the fanfic than the non-fanfic.

Sherrilyn Kenyon and Dark Hunters

Almost immediately after The Mortal Instruments (the non-fanfic one) became popular, Sherrilyn Kenyon slapped it with a lawsuit for copying her urban fantasy series, Dark Hunters.

Kenyon fans attacked Claire fans, Cassie’s history was brought to light, and Cassie got to pull out her favorite argument “you hate me because I’m Jewish.” Which is interesting, because I’ve been working on this for two weeks, and I only just learned that she’s Jewish when I read about her accusing others of anti-Semitism.

Now as Cassie apologists will tell you, Kenyon did ultimately lose that suit, but it’s really, really starting to get repetitive over here.

I’ll borrow a quote from Ryan Givens, “If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you’re the asshole.” Or in this case, maybe you’re the plagiarist.

Common Questions

Has Cassie apologized for this?

She did occasionally

Has Cassie changed?

My opinion is no. She’s not.

Let’s see, as the “Queen of YA Literature” she has:

used Copy Right strikes to prevent people from calling out problematic passages in her books

sent her fans after critics

posted a hilariously ironic blog about cyber bullying

attacked her OWN FANS because they didn’t like the ending of a book

currently complains about people posting her real name (which is Judith Rumelt, in case you wanted to know) despite her own history of publishing people’s actual phone numbers online

Calls critics anti-Semetic while having this quote in her book

Claims that she was threatened when someone called her friend an “ignorant duck” 

Loves Token Minorities

Wrote a questionable almost rape

My Thoughts

I don’t like Cassie.

I really don’t.

And look, I’m not saying that Cassie is a narcissist, but here’s a fun little saying called The Narcissist’s Prayer:

That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did… You deserved it.

Does any of that sound familiar, because it should. It’s basically Cassie’s text book responce of “avoid admitting fault until there’s too much proof, say I didn’t do it on purpose, blame someone else, claim to be the victim, find another person to accuse of drama.”

Now I’m going to again quote from ProblematicYA because I absolutely love their writing. In this quote, they’re talking about how all of Cassie’s books, even those set in different times or cities, follow the same pattern. Non-Shadowhunter meets Shadowhunter (who is basically Draco).

So what’s really my problem? My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare is a marginally talented writer who has one story and one cast of characters up her sleeve, and yet somehow she’s sold millions and millions of books based on this. My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series was partially copied from her fanfiction trilogy, which copied a plethora of other authors, not even including J.K. Rowling, who provided her with the characters, premise, and setting for her beloved trilogy. My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare is in the authorly equivalent of a time loop, and has come full circle. My problem is the fact that Cassandra Clare is, in essence, writing fanfiction of her own work, and it is getting published and she is getting paid bank for it, when other far more original and talented authors are getting absolutely nothing for their hard work. I may despise Stephenie Meyer and the world she’s created, but at least Twilight and its accompanying works are her own original product; at least she deserves to reap the benefits of the crazy fandom she’s inspired.

Look. I don’t believe in dredging up ancient history just to hurt people. Shit we did when we were teens shouldn’t be held against us as adults. People grow and change a lot from what they were as teens.

But bitch, you actually have to GROW AND CHANGE. And Cassie hasn’t.

Also, try actually apologizing for what you’ve done instead of silencing critics.

Sources and More Information

As always, I love, love, love fanlore and I linked to many of their articles throughout this post.

A user on the HobbyDrama subreddit made a great write up called The Cassandra Cla(i)re Saga.

ProblematicYA wrote several amazing articles on the subject:

Why I Have A Problem With Cassandra Clare and Why You Should Too

anti-bullying ya queen cassandra clare is a massive bully. water also wet.

They also have an entire tag dedicated to Cassie

Alli6 wrote Things you should Know

Cassandra Clare, Rape Culture, and the Oft-Forgotten Metaphor by The Book Lantern.

SnarkTheater also has pages of things tagged as Cassie Claire, including chapter by chapter break downs of the books.

source http://camryndaytona.com/2020/06/cassandra-clare?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=cassandra-clare

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations DYLAN! You’ve been accepted as NEPTUNE.

Dylan, I was so excited to see you apply for a second character and even more excited to see you apply for Neptune! The cosmic metaphor that you weaved throughout the entire app is something that I absolutely loved. Making Avery be the second born and comparing it to leftover cosmic energy had me howling! I also loved that you wrote about how special twins are when it comes to mutants - their powers being the yin to the others yang was especially something that stood out to me. I’m so, so excited to see you bring Avery to life! 

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Dylan

PRONOUNS: He/Him

AGE: 22

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT. 6/7 Days

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Avery O’Brien aka Neptune

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Male, He/Him

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Avery can take you by surprise. At first you might just see this edgy kid walking down the street, fists clenched and ready to throw them at the first person to give them a skew look. With a packet of Marlboro in his back pocket and tongue primed with his general response, ‘fuck off’, you just simply wouldn’t expect Megan the Stallion to be blasting through his earphones as he walked.

Sure, Avery definitely knew how to get himself into trouble and he had picked up a few bad habits along the way but Avery would probably be the kindest and most loyal friend you could make. He’d often babysit his neighbors kids and he genuinely enjoyed it. His aesthetic was mostly a facade, tough and ready to rumble when he’d definitely prefer to avoid a fight if possible.

He might be young, but don’t underestimate him. He’s been on the street long enough to know how things work and life has definitely taught him how to look out for himself and his sister. He’s pulled off countless jobs since their parents kicked them out and has managed to keep his hands as clean as they could be. So what gives Avery the edge? He’s cunning and smart, he knows how to work angles and get what he wants, one way or another.

As for Avery’s powers, he doesn’t really understand them, and nor does the rest of the world, to be honest. He’s read multiple essays and watched countless videos on dark matter and energy and what that meant exactly. When he uses his powers, it’s as if he can feel each individual molecule of something, measuring up its mass. He can then change how gravity affects the object, making it ‘heavier’ or ‘lighter’. He’s also experimented with dark energy blasts which seem to be an invisible force that pushes everything out of its way and constantly expands if he doesn’t control it. Honestly, his powers frighten him, as does the unknown to all humans. What really gets to him is that if Dark Energy is what causes the universe to keep expanding, should he really be playing around with that shit?

BIO:

TW: Homophobia

Penelope was born first and then Avery, like the leftover cosmic energy when a star is born. The two were inseparable and doing so would bring about the same results as splitting an atom, metaphorically. As they grew older, they spaced apart but were still always in each other’s orbits, one revolving their life around the other and visa versa. As far as Avery could remember, his early childhood was a good one, or maybe he was just far too young to really see how his family life really was. He went to school, worked hard and would come home only to spend the rest of his free time with Penelope.

As he got older, Avery was always testing his boundaries. How far could he push his luck with his parents, peers, teachers, and even law enforcement. He hung around with the wrong crowd and got pulled into things he never originally wanted to do. It was nothing serious until he was involved in the destruction of a school bus. Nobody could explain how the bus had been crushed nor who had been involved. It happened just after summer break, Avery and a group of his friends had snuck onto school campus that night just to mess around and smoke some weed. Avery was mainly there for Mitch Evans, Avery’s love interest at the time.

The night progressed and the group ended up hanging out in a school bus. The group whittled down to just 4 kids when Avery finally gained the courage to make a move on Mitch. He had tried to kiss the other and Mitch’s reaction was violent and resulted in Mitch punching Avery in the face and shoving him out of the bus. The flurry of embarrassment and heartbreak felt as if it was crushing his soul and before he knew it, the bus started to creak as the metal began to indent. The group inside had mostly been able to get out untouched, everyone except Mitch, who’s leg got stuck under a chair whilst the bus was imploding. After managing to free Mitch from the bus and getting him to the nearest hospital, the group vowed never to mention what had happened out of fear that whatever crushed the bus would follow them. Little did they know that Avery was the one that had crushed the bus and the only other person to ever know this would be Penelope. That was also the last time that Avery ever spoke to Mitch Evans.

That was just the beginning of weird events that would follow the O’Brien twins. Their father seemed to end every day with a bottle of whiskey and their mother seemed to become more unhinged every day. Avery pushed through, working hard at school, knowing that getting into college would be his escape. Having Penelope was also a blessing, having someone he could trust and open up too was a privilege he knew not many had.

Half-way through high school was when it all changed. Their parents had officially rejected them and kicked them out of the house. They had nowhere to go and started crashing on their friend’s couches. Soon Avery was given the opportunity to work a job with one of his friend’s older brothers and he took it. They robbed a yacht and got away with a bag full of expensive jewelry and cash from the on-board bar. It took a couple of weeks before the money was laundered, but Avery got his cut and a reputation. He was asked to do a couple of more jobs and started learning the ropes. It was his senior year when he pulled off his own job. He put most of his money into a savings account to buy a place for him and his sister. He finished school and was given a bursary to study engineering at a local college.

Now, at the age of 24 he is still studying engineering and lives in a decent apartment with his sister. He also works as an intern at a local high-end engineering firm that specialises in space technology. At night he works as a bartender which is mostly a cover and is where he gets approached by most of his clients to pull off jobs for them for a percentage of the cut. There’s been a change in the winds recently though and whispers of new and powerful mutant gangs coming to Miami has him watching his back.

His life is extremely busy so he’s constantly living in the now. If you stopped him and asked him what his goals were, he’d default to saying something about making sure that Penelope is safe, not that she needs his protection, but he barely thinks about what he wants these days. That’s why everyone in his life that has a ‘more than friends’ status seems to come and go, Avery doesn’t think about what he wants and always puts others first before himself, stretching himself as thinly as possible which often leaves his partners feeling neglected or toyed with.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Penelope O’Brien. It’s said that twins have some sort of special connection, and if that were true for humans, it was definitely true for mutants, especially if their powers were the yin to the other’s yang. Penelope was like the birth of a brand new star whilst Avery was the death of one. They were each other’s best friends from the second they were born. Not only was Penelope always there for him, she was the only one he confided in after the school bus incident. They spent countless nights staying up until sunrise chatting about boys and girls, school, life goals, games and so much more! Penelope was the first person Avery spoke to about his powers and he was so happy that he wasn’t the only twin with ‘gifts’. Being able to support each other was so much easier since they shared a secret. If anything weird would happen they’d race to the other and tell them, learning about each other’s powers together. Penelope wasn’t just his twin sister, they were his best friend too! Considering that Avery struggled to keep love around, this meant a lot to him. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without her and that’s why he’d die for her. He’d rather not be alive than live a life without her. This is where Avery’s loyalty turned fierce and where he would definitely cross a line if need be. In a sense, Penelope was Avery’s weakness in more than one way, emotionally and physically. He was sure that if there was anyone that could match his powers it would be Penelope and to what extent, he had no idea and he hoped that he’d never have to find out.

EXTRA:

Oh boy oh boy. I MEAN. What shouldn’t I put here?

I’m thinking that his reputation might get one of the groups to approach him? Maybe more than one group gets him to work for them as a freelancer?

Honestly I’m probably going to make a lot of content for Avery throughout the next week purely because I have so much muse for him, but I also kinda wanted to get this app in and this doesn’t influence decisions so… but here’s a link to the Pinterest board:

https://pin.it/3FkPGew

I might also make a mock-blog? And on there I’ll have graphics and headcanons? IDK. I’ll send it in if I do.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope! All good! I honestly love this RP so much and I’m waaaaaay too invested for my own good.

[askjaaryl]

Episode #001: Temporary

“You know...you really should be more careful, considering you were literally stabbed through the chest with a sword.”

Paul Rovia glared up at his ex. In another life, they probably would have made a good couple. Theoretically...if you only based it off looks. They did look nice together and Paul was sure that was what a percentage of their past relationship was based off of. They were both good looking and some of the only gay men left in the world, so it was to be assumed they would get together.

But the end of the world tends to weigh on people, especially when wars break out. You become more closed off or angry. In Alex’s case, it was angry. He always blamed Paul for getting them into this, deep down, though he never said it out loud more than once.

That one time was the straw that broke the camel’s back and everything came out, resulting in Paul breaking up with Alex and throwing all his stuff out of the trailer.

Paul wasn’t dramatic, per se, but at the time, he felt the need to be.

Paul watched as Alex stitched him up again with fascination. He was almost healed now. Despite Alex’s terrible personality, he was good at what he did.

Not as good as their former doctor, Harlan, but still good.

“Barrington was burning and Henry was inside,” Paul said simply, “I wasn’t letting my friend’s child get killed.”

“You aren’t a firefighter,” Alex deadpanned, focusing on the stitches.

And you aren’t a doctor, Paul thought to himself, though he didn’t say it out loud.

“Well, someone had to help him,” Paul said.

“Preferably someone who wasn’t impaled,” Alex mumbled, chastising him like he was a child before changing the subject quickly, “Rick believes that the war is over though. The remaining Whisperers have fled...so I’m sure Aaron and Daryl will be heading back to Alexandria soon.”

Paul tensed slightly.

Aaron, Daryl, Gracie, and Dog (Daryl was so creative with names) had all been staying in his trailer since he was injured by the Whisperers. They were worried that he was going to choke on his own blood and die in his sleep or something like that. Paul wasn’t that inexperienced when it came to children, contrary to popular belief. He grew up in a home, yes, but the people who were in charge did the bare minimum. So from the time there was children younger than him -there always was- he was taking care of them. He slowly learned that if he didn’t cook, no one was going to; if he didn’t learn to cut their hair, they either weren’t going to or if they did, it would look terrible.

He grew up before the age of ten, caring for all the younger children, while learning from the ones who were older, who had been there for longer.

Aaron was grateful, because he seemed to have no idea how to cut or do anything with Gracie’s hair. He didn’t even know how to tie her hair in a ponytail when he moved in.

Paul had given her a much-needed haircut and taught Aaron (and Daryl, who was listening nearby) what to do with Gracie’s hair.

Paul suspected they were together.

Aaron and Daryl.

He knew they were together...or at least sleeping together, after walking in on them kissing.

It was awkward and for some reason Aaron kept saying he was sorry.

He didn’t have a reason to be sorry, really. It had been years since his husband died and he deserved to be happy.

Wanting Aaron and Daryl happy didn’t stop the little twinge of pain in the pit of his stomach though. He wasn’t sure who he was jealous of more, Daryl or Aaron.

Maybe he was just jealous of them being together.

He hadn’t gotten laid since his break with Alex, that had to be it.

Maggie always assured him it was okay to feel how he felt.

Paul would love to be content with how he felt, if he knew what it meant.

“And?” Paul asked, snapping out of his train of thought to make sure he snapped at Alex.

“You’ll be alone, finally,” Alex said simply, cutting the stitches now, “If you needed company.”

Paul snorted, pulling down his shirt and getting up the moment Alex was done, “Yeah, in your dreams,” he snapped, stalking out of the trailer.

Alex always knew how to get to him...and the worries of being alone again were definitely one of the ways to get to him.

Paul pulled his coat back on as he walked out and sighed when he saw Aaron and Daryl waiting there, “If you’re here and I’m here, who’s watching the kid?” he joked weakly.

“She’s with Maggie in Barrington,” Aaron explained, “She wanted to play with Hershel. How are you feeling?” he asked quickly, “Is everything okay?”

“That fucker say anything to you?” Daryl asked gruffly, narrowing his eyes at the trailer.

Daryl had witnessed his very public breakup with Alex...and stopped something that could have quite possibly gotten worse, knowing Alex.

As Paul threw all his shit out of the trailer, Alex had the nerve to grab his arm. It wasn’t the first time Alex had put his hands on him, but it definitely was the last.

Because the moment he grabbed him, Daryl appeared out of nowhere and punched Alex so hard that he broke his nose. Alex’s perfect nose was still just slightly crooked now because he was never good at resetting bones. Paul felt a little form of satisfaction at that, despite having to constantly make sure that Daryl wasn’t somewhere beating the shit out of Alex.

Because if Daryl was given the chance, he’d do it again. It didn’t take much to set him off and Alex definitely set him off, with how much he ran his mouth.

“I feel fine, I just pulled my stitches, and Alex didn’t say anything to me,” Paul answered all three questions at once, “No burns, just a few bruises and some new stitches.”

“You could have gotten yourself killed!” Aaron snapped, “Henry would have been find, he could have gotten out!”

“He was pinned, no he wouldn’t have,” Paul said simply, “It was worth it.”

“Nothing is worth losing you,” Daryl grunted, walking passed him and back towards their- his trailer, Dog following close behind him.

Paul ducked his head, feeling his cheeks heat up slightly.

“Do you need help walking back?” Aaron asked, already going to put his arm around him.

“I’m fine,” Paul laughed weakly, though he didn’t protest. He was used to Aaron helping him around by now, after everything.

“You know one day, I’m going to be able to walk on my own,” Paul told him as they went back to the trailer, “Then what will you do? What’s your job security then?”

“Very funny,” Aaron laughed, helping him up the few stairs.

The trailer was crowded now. Gracie was in the spare bedroom, Daryl and Aaron (and Dog) shared the pullout couch, and Paul had his bed. Paul originally wanted to take the couch, since there were two grown men stuck on the couch with a dog, but they refused, given that he was the one who was stabbed, after all.

“Couch or bed?” Aaron asked as they walked inside.

“Uh, chair, I have notes to do,” Paul said quietly and then rolled his eyes, “Daryl, get out of my chair.”

Daryl huffed and got up, flopping over on the couch where Dog was lying already.

Aaron helped Paul into the chair and Paul gasped slightly as he sat down, his hand going up to his chest.

“Sorry, sorry,” Aaron said quickly, “Let me get your pain meds-”

“I’m fine,” Paul gasped out, “Just...give me a minute,” he said quickly, taking a deep breath in his nose and blowing it out his mouth.

“Take the damn meds, Paul,” Daryl sighed, grabbing them from the table and tossing them at him, “S’what they’re for.”

Paul caught them with a roll of his eyes and put them down on the table beside him, ignoring them. He grabbed his notebook from the table and started working on stuff for Maggie.

“I’ll shove ‘em down your throat,” Daryl grunted.

“I’ll break your hand if you try, Dixon,” Paul smirked at him.

“I’m going to start dinner, please don’t kill each other,” Aaron sighed, walking over to the kitchen area, “Getting blood out of the carpet would be hell.”

“Probably no harder than getting the stains from the mud Daryl tracks in on his boots,” Paul grumbled.

Paul watched as Daryl and Aaron finished making dinner together. After a while of just lying there, Daryl got up and started to help him. They worked so well together. They always had, since Paul met them both. Even just cooking dinner, they worked together.

Paul probably would have lost his mind if someone tried to help him in the kitchen.

He was used to being alone in just about everything.

He kept telling himself because of that, he wouldn’t miss his two roommates when they left.

Everyone always leaves, in the end.

Paul saw Daryl look up when he felt his eyes on him and quickly went back to his book, having finished his notes for Maggie an hour ago now.

“You okay, Paul?” Aaron asked suddenly, “You’ve been acting off since you got your stitches.”

Paul pursed his lips, “I’m fine,” he said simply, looking back at his book, “I’m just...tired.”

“If you’re hurtin’ don’t lie,” Daryl said, “Ya might have an infection or somethin’. Shoulda had Enid check ya out, not that dumbass.”

“Alex might be an asshole, but he’s good at his job,” Paul said simply, not looking up from his book, “And nothing hurts. I’m just exhausted.”

Daryl just huffed and walked over, giving him a bow with spaghetti in it, “Eat that...and take your pain meds,” he said, walking back over to the stove to get his own.

Paul rolled his eyes and started eating, despite not really having the appetite for it. Alex’s words kept echoing in his head, that he would be alone soon. It would only be a matter of time before all of this would be gone and he’d be back to his default state.

Alone.

“I’m gonna go grab Gracie from Barrington for dinner, I’ll be back,” Aaron said, walking out.

Daryl walked over and flopped down on the couch, eating his food.

Paul smiled contently. Even if it was temporary, he was happy.

[thesummerstorms]

Hello! I Just read the republic commando books, and then I was reading your amazing meta, and i’d like to ask you a question if you don’t mind: what do you think would have happened if Etain or kad or both had died during the birth (not an improbable scenario considering everything)? How would kal, Darman etc, react? (Not that I wanted Etain to die, obviously, I really hated her death scene; wouldn’t have been better if it had been Jusik, killed by clones because of order 66?) Thank you

So…. there’s a lot to unpack with this one and a lot of specific but variable details that could change how even one of the three scenarios plays out, so this will be a little general.

Also, the entire topic of the ask is of course upsetting, so consider this a blanket trigger warning.

All three of the scenarios, frankly, are variations of the Worst Ending ™. I don’t see any of them ending well, although their specific injustices and heartaches have a hell of a lot of room to vary. The one thing I do see staying consistent? 

Kal can’t, or won’t tell the truth.

In no scenario I can think of does Kal play a good or helpful role in all this. He is, after all, the one who had backed Etain into this corner to begin with, and who endangered her and her child. He put her on Qiluura. He isolated her from emotional and medical support. He threatened to kidnap her child and forced her to hide her pregnancy from her lover. None of that is something he never really owns up to and the situation is one he wouldn’t like to have to deal with the consequences of.

Scenario One

If Etain loses Kad during the birth but survives, I absolutely see him manipulating her into keeping quiet about it and pressuring her to return to her command and pretend it didn’t happen. After all, he’s already forced her silence for this long, and repeatedly used her affections for Dar and her guilt to manipulate her reactions. He also doesn’t truly “forgive” and soften towards her until he sees her actually holding Kad.

 In a scenario where Kad doesn’t survive, where pity and a sense of ownership/familial control don’t set in, I think he would absolutely strong-arm her into hiding the fact that she had given birth from Darman, in the name of “protecting” Dar from the grief that is currently tearing her to pieces, and on her returning to front as quickly as possible, “to ease suspicions”. “Why break Darman’s heart when it could distract him and get him killed?”- just a variation on a theme, continuing to ignore Etain’s own loss and agency.

I would absolutely then see that as the beginning of a downward spiral for Etain and her mental health. It the past few years, she’s been repeatedly exposed to war trauma, been “orphaned”, and been emotionally abused. The one certainty in all of it is her belief that the Force meant for her to have this child, that there was something waiting for her at the end of the hardship that was meant to be.

Her grief if that were proven false, if she lost the baby she wanted so desperately, would be immense. More than that, Etain would absolutely be vulnerable to guilt and to Kal’s manipulation, and I 100% believe she could (would) be convinced it was her fault. She was the one who chose to walk into the minefield (stupid). She was the one who got pregnant during a war. (stupid). She was the one who risked, and ultimately lost her child’s life. (Whether or not that’s an entirely fair assessment.) 

From there, it isn’t very far for Kal to lead her to just… not mentioning it to Dar in order to protect him from the misery she’s feeling and “has no right to inflict on him”, especially when he never knew to begin with. (And that’s a little bit more than she can face, the idea of having to tell look Dar in the eye and tell him she lost their baby before he ever knew it existed.)

Etain’s tough in general, but I’m not sure what that would do to her will and ability to cope, especially if grief is compounded by guilt/self-loathing/isolation from the secret, fed into by Kal. I’m not sure if it wouldn’t lead to some self-destructive behavior or reckless decision making.

The only potential good things in this scenario are Rav and Mereel, both of whom she seems to have gotten close to, being nearby ish to maybe notice that Etain is spinning out of control and try to talk to her/ talk her into talking to Darman so she can grieve and heal properly.

How Darman finds out in this scenario… I’m not entirely sure. I can pretty easily seeing him being worried and hurt by the change he sees in Etain’s behaviors towards him- her grief/guilt playing out in unintentional distancing or recklessness. It’s not pretty. But I don’t know how exactly it gets resolved.

 I don’t think Etain herself would want to, or even think to implicate Kal in the mess, not given the way she tried to protect him in Order 66. Even if or when he does find out- I’m not sure the proper amount of guilt would ever find its way to the man who actually hid her/threatened her into the war zone and denied her medical care.

Scenario Two

Etain and Kad both die. Kal 100% abso-fucking-lutely covers this one up and fully intends to hide it from Darman as well. After all, if Etain’s dead anyway and Dar never knew about the kid, why make the grieving process any worse. Somehow he stages a scene that implies Etain died somehow in some secret combat related way that left only enough evidence to be certain, but not enough for a Jedi to gather/examine/bury her remains and discover that she had been pregnant.

Maybe he feels some twinge of guilt- but it isn’t enough to accept responsibility for the loss. And remember- he hasn’t come to see Etain as his yet. Etain and her child are mourned by only a handful- Rav and Vau, Mereel and Ordo, Parja maybe, Jusik. And then Kal does his best to bury them both. He’ll tell Dar “someday”, “at the right time”, “when it won’t get him killed”. Meanwhile Omega is left to deal with it, and to pull around a devastated Darman. Zey is really the only one in the Order to mourn or think about Etain’s death very intensely, and while some of her men might pay respects, no one has time to dig too deep.

Again, who actually ends up telling Darman the truth is an interesting question. Notably in this case, I don’t think it’s Jusik. Jusik is slightly guilty at knowing, I’m sure, but he doesn’t have the full picture, doesn’t know that there was anything more to Etain’s medical issues than random bad luck, and is deeply enough under Kal’s influence to accept the need to protect Darman from that second loss. And while I love to picture some resulting showdown between Rav or Vau and Kal, that’s probably OOC. They just don’t have the strong motivation here.

Ultimately, I think the revelation would have to fall to one of the two Nulls. 

Mereel has been shown in the months Etain spent on Mandalore to have formed a very strong friendship with her. He demonstrates a trust/vulnerability with her that we seldom see him elsewhere. He treats her with an affection that at that point she receives from no one else outside of Omega, including joking nicknames and the ‘ika suffix. He trusted her as a competent individual and as his partner in the work of breaking down Ko Sai. What’s more, Mereel has also demonstrably shown that he loves his brothers (i.e. Darman) more than he loves Kal, and he’d be witnessing Darman suffer/ be lied to and forbidden the right to knowledge and choices. I really don’t imagine that sitting well with him. The only issues being timing and the fact that Darman doesn’t actually know Mereel well at all.

Ordo is a bit trickier, especially since he’s so caught up in the need not to disappoint Kal. His relationship with Etain in True Colors is also trickier. But he pities her- even likes her. Despite the sometimes awkward or harsh tone of their interactions, he does respect her. He was also party to the original deception that kept Dar from knowing about the baby -the baby he would then never know- and got Etain sent away in the first place. It’s not his fault, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he would have to grapple with a pretty intense guilt of his own. That maybe, eventually, that guilt would win.

Again, how Darman reacts is largely based on the circumstance he’s in at the time, which seem to have too many possibilities for me to write through fully.I think he’d be pretty damn mistrustful of everyone afterwards though- and he’d be left to grapple with Etain’s lie of omission without ever being able to resolve it or even talk to her about it. Without ever being able to tell her how much he loved her, how much he would have wanted to raise a child with her.

Scenario Three

Kad lives, Etain dies.

This one I can see going two ways. I would not put it at all past Kal to pull the stunt where he continues to pretend Kad is his biological grandson, even to Omega, “until Dar is ready to be a Dad”. Without Etain there to prove parentage or to push for her right to speak to Dar, and also given that telling the truth would “expose Kad to Jedi” and force Kal to talk about why Etain couldn’t survive childbirth in a galaxy where humans regularly survive the loss of large percentages of their organs and body parts.

In that case, I might actually peg Jusik as the one who ultimately comes clean, particularly as he sees Dar struggling or notices the things Kad’s so clearly inherited from his mother, like the shape of a smile or a way of reaching for the Force. Ultimately, he’s soft-hearted and confesses in a moment of sentiment rather than planning.

Jusik, however, still doesn’t know how entangled in it all Kal is.

It’s also possible Kal tells Darman about the baby in order to try and motivate Dar to keep fighting through his grief/ to provide a “silver lining”- but in this case disguising Etain’s death as an unfortunate/unforeseen accident or stroke of bad luck. Maybe Kal, with his lack of self-awareness, is even convinced that’s what it is. 

That again puts those who know (just Rav, the Nulls, and Vau) in the uncomfortable position of trying to decide whether it’s worth it to tell Darman the truth, given what he’s already lost. Telling, after all, won’t bring Etain back, won’t heal Darman any. It will just drive a wedge between Kal and Dar and add to the pain of the whole mess.

Vau might do it- Vau is a monster, but he is honest about what he is, and he is frustrated by Kal’s self-deception and back pats. Darman has no reason to trust Vau over Kal, though, and doesn’t take it well, even in the face of gnawing, quiet doubt.

Mereel might do it- as a warning, in Etain’s memory, to try and urge his brother to keep his nephew just that little bit safer, even if none of them can easily walk away from Kal.

In the end, though, Darman is still left with that permanently unresolved doubt, that same argument with Etain that never happened about her secret keeping, is left with all the things he should have but couldn’t have said. There isn’t any justice in this scenario, not with her already lost. There’s only clarity.

[junker-town]

Why the Celtics are a legitimate title contender

Photo by Brian Babineau/NBAE via Getty Images

The Celtics should be mentioned with the Lakers, Clippers, and Bucks as a legitimate threat to win the NBA championship.

On the surface, the 2020 NBA title chase is three teams deep.

The two Los Angeles teams are there as expected, and the Milwaukee Bucks’ obscene regular season means they cannot be ignored in any serious discussion trying to project the champion.

The next tier, by this theory, includes half a dozen or so other interesting teams that are considered to be fatally flawed, one big piece short, or both. The latest Vegas futures bear this out: The top three teams are tri-favorites in the betting, and there’s a group of seven well behind them, but well ahead of 12th-place Dallas.

It’s hard to go against Vegas, but I’m going to do it anyway. There’s a fourth team that belongs in that top tier: the Boston Celtics.

Probably not the team you expected, right? The Celtics had the ninth-best title odds as of the all-star break, behind five teams (Clippers, Houston, Denver, Philadelphia, and Utah) with worse records. FiveThirtyEight likes the Celtics a bit better, but still gives them only a 16 percent shot to win the East and a five percent shot to win the title, well behind the 76ers and Rockets. (The site’s Elo Rating likes Boston’s chances even more, though not as much as Toronto’s). I suspect the Celtics are still being downplayed because of their decision to rely on addition by subtraction when Kyrie Irving and Al Horford left in free agency.

But that decision has paid off. The Celtics are much more dangerous than last year and should be taken more seriously alongside the other clear championship contenders. Here’s the six-step case for Boston:

1. The fundamentals check out

Here are some key numbers:

Boston’s net rating (i.e., the difference between their offensive and defensive ratings) is +6.8. That’s third in the league behind Milwaukee (miles ahead) and the Lakers (barely ahead). It’s better than Toronto, more than a full point better than the Clippers, twice as large as Houston and Miami, and nearly three times as big as Philadelphia.

They rank in the top-five in both offensive and defensive rating (points scores/allowed per 100 possessions): Again, only Milwaukee and the Lakers can say that.

They are a top-12 team in seven of the eight key factors for winning (Four Factors on offense and defense): No other team can say that.

They are 13-9 against the other 13 teams that have .500 or better records: Their point differential in those games: +4.5. Only the Bucks, at 12-7, have a better winning percentage against over-.500 teams, but their point differential in said games is actually worse (+4.4).

All that despite a litany of nagging injuries that have prevented the Celtics from seeing their best team on the court consistently. The quintet of Jayson Tatum, Kemba Walker, Gordon Hayward, Jaylen Brown, and Marcus Smart — clearly the team’s five best players irrespective of position — has only been active together for 15 of a possible 54 games this year. (I’m not counting the November game in San Antonio when Hayward went down after 14 minutes due to injury).

2. Jayson Tatum is making the leap

Michael Pina covered this topic well, as did The Ringer’s Rob Mahoney. I don’t have much more to add. I’ve been a longtime Tatum skeptic, but I’ve seen enough material improvement with his weaknesses to change my tune.

3. They have so many ways to score. Thank Kemba Walker

Tatum’s ongoing rise into a capable top scoring option when all else fails is crucial because the Celtics have the rest of the offense down to a T. Between Tatum everywhere, Walker in pick-and-roll, Hayward off the catch, Brown in transition, and Brad Stevens’ excellent set play diagramming, the Celtics have so many different ways to create offense. Unlike last year, they’ve integrated each of those threats into their overall attack without suffering from the pecking order issues that made their mix much less than the sum of its parts last year.

One major reason: the switch from Kyrie Irving to Kemba Walker. (Go ahead and gloat, Celtics fans. You were right about this).

When the Celtics acquired Walker, I was worried they were simply swapping out one ball-dominant, pick-and-roll heavy point guard for an inferior (albeit nicer) version. Instead, Walker has demonstrated an ability and willingness to play off the ball that he never got a chance to show in Charlotte. Pick-and-roll is still his bread and butter, but he’s also getting shots in other ways. This transition pindown is a Celtics staple.

Boston will also use Walker as a screener before popping him out for open shots.

But even the many pick-and-rolls Walker does run are of a different character than the ones he used in Charlotte. He’s giving the ball up and getting it back on the move, which keeps the Celtics’ other key playmakers involved and maintains the offensive flow needed to balance touches elsewhere.

Irving is a better shooter, scorer, and finisher. Full stop: he’s a better player. But Walker is, in a way, more exhausting to defend. His movement forces all five defenders to make more coverage decisions. Because of that, Tatum, Hayward, and Brown can attack from more dynamic and advantageous positions, which helps Boston’s offense as a whole. By working more within the system instead of as a solo artist, Walker provides more structure for other Celtics attackers that need a bit of a head start to activate their gifts.

More fundamentally, Walker simply does less than Irving. Less dribbling, less yo-yoing with the ball, less time to make his move, less standing, and, of course, less shooting. That’s led to more opportunities for Brown, Hayward, and Tatum — and, in turn, more threats for the defense to address.

That improved balance plays out in two ways. For one, it allows Stevens to more easily dial up set plays with multiple actions that flow seamlessly into each other. He can use any combination of his four top offensive players as decoys, primary options, screeners, floor-spacers ... you name it. When the execution is sound, you get beautiful stuff like this, where the Raptors aren’t sure to focus more on a potential Walker dribble-handoff or the Hayward ball screen that leads to an open three.

It also makes Boston increasingly difficult to defend in crunch time when all four key offensive players are on the court. There’s nowhere for a bad defensive player to hide, and Boston will ruthlessly punish those players using a diverse array of two-man screening actions. The Celtics may not have a gifted scorer like Irving to get tough playoff buckets against the best individual defenders, but pitting any combination of their four top options against the opponents’ worst defender often yields a better result anyway.

Recent crunch time successes against the Thunder and Clippers illustrate the cat-and-mouse game the Celtics are equipped to win in tight playoff games. Against the Thunder, the Celtics targeted Danilo Gallinari down the stretch, using three different players on three straight possessions to screen for Walker to get the ideal matchup. Boston scored all three times.

The double-overtime victory over the Clippers was certainly Tatum’s coming-out party, but Boston made his life easier by constantly attacking Lou Williams and Landry Shamet.

Those weak defenders can avoid the switch with a hard hedge and recovery back to their original men. In the playoffs, they’ll work harder to do that and avoid mismatches. But unlike teams built around one great scorer, Boston has multiple players they’ve empowered to make plays off a closeout. That allows the Celtics to target a weak defender’s one-on-one and help defense at the same time.

Walker’s size is an issue against traps, which will be much harder in a playoff setting. However, Tatum’s emergence mitigates the need to rely on Walker to do everything, and Walker’s temperament allows him to more easily slide into second option status.

Doing so should also give him more energy to compete defensively, where he hangs in there decently despite his lack of size. Teams will target Walker in the playoffs the same way the Celtics target opponents’ worst defenders. But Walker is quick, tough, and aggressive, making him closer to an average defender like Stephen Curry than a total sieve like Trae Young or, crucially, Irving.

Ultimately, swapping out Irving for Walker has made Boston’s offense more dynamic as a whole. The subtle differences between the two ensure that the Celtics’ multi-playmaker structure adds up to more than the sum of its parts.

4. They win the chaos sequences

There’s a common perception that teams which thrive in transition struggle in the playoffs because tempo generally slows down. At the same time, the more controlled pace of the postseason means unscripted moments like fast breaks, hustle plays, early offense attacks, and other moments within the run of play have even more comparative value. The last two NBA champions (Warriors and Raptors) made a living out of maximizing these “chaos” opportunities.

The Celtics aren’t the most dangerous team “chaos” team in the league — I’d give that honor to Toronto, with Milwaukee close behind — but they’re pretty close. They have two players to thank for that: Marcus Smart and Jaylen Brown.

Smart’s capacity to make “winning plays” is obvious. Anyone who’s watched even a few seconds of Celtics basketball since 2014 understands his knack for coming up with critical loose balls, offensive rebounds, and defensive stops against bigger players. When defensive sequences break down, his instincts take over and constantly throw off the other team. He happily switches onto speedy guards, sleek wings, or rugged big men, especially in high-leverage situations. His closeout techniques are occasionally unconventional and often hilarious, yet effective. There’s a reason opposing players have shot below their average on three-pointers Smart defends for four years running, according to NBA.com’s tracking data.

Meanwhile, Brown has become one of the league’s most effective transition playmakers. He’s third in the league in fast break points per 100 possessions, trailing only Giannis Antetokounmpo and (barely) LeBron James. The Celtics score an average of 1.2 points per possession off missed shots with Brown on the court and 1.4 points per possession off steals, both significantly higher marks than they score in said situations with Brown on the bench.

Brown’s athleticism and burgeoning craft in the open floor allows Boston to strike quickly. He’s strong enough to power through even the stingiest transition defensive walls to score.

Yet he’s also smart enough to manipulate odd-man breaks or advantageous matchups to get high-percentage early-offense looks for himself or his teammates. His handle has improved, and he’s become more comfortable decelerating and then pivoting in the lane for more difficult two-footed finishes.

Together, Smart and Brown help ensure the Celtics compound opponent mistakes and missed opportunities with buckets of their own. One creates chaos, and the other capitalizes on it.

5. They have enough up front

Put some respect on Daniel Theis’ and Enes Kanter’s names! They might not be the duo most teams would go to war with, but they are ideal complements for Boston’s style of play

Both are terrific screen-setters on or off the ball, an essential quality in Boston’s perimeter-heavy attack. Theis in particular is a master of the “double screen” tactic on pick-and-rolls — often known as “the Gortat” after the former Wizards center who pioneered the move. Watch as Theis sets a normal ball screen on Wes Matthews, then rolls down the lane to then seal off Brook Lopez from helping on Tatum’s drive.

Theis is also an underrated pick-and-roll defender and defensive rebounder. You rarely see him caught out of position, which also helps the Celtics end possessions effectively with defensive rebounds. He also does enough to keep the defense honest from the perimeter, as well as in 4-on-3 situations after his man traps ball-handlers. There’s a reason the Celtics’ starting lineup of Brown, Walker, Hayward, Tatum, and Theis outscore opponents by more than 14 points per 100 possessions.

Kanter, meanwhile, comes off the bench to provide a much-needed different dimension. His pick-and-roll defensive struggles are well known, but he makes up for it with relentless offensive rebounding, a key mode of attack the Celtics lacked last season. Boston snags a whopping 33 percent of their their own misses with Kanter on the floor, a mark that’d lead the league by more than three points if maintained over 48 minutes. His glass work is even more devastating because the Celtics perimeter players already put defenses in rotation all the time with their combined playmaking.

Kanter’s offensive rebounding ability also makes him a deadly weapon if opponents try to confuse the Celtics with a zone defense. He’s adept at slipping into the right soft spots in the paint for layups, and good luck putting a body on him when someone else shoots.

There are certainly problematic matchups for these two. (Joel Embiid and the Philadelphia 76ers have entered the chat.) But they’ve held their own in the regular season, and there’s little reason to believe they can’t do so again in most playoff scenarios.

6. Their rotation will shorten in the playoffs

Depth is Boston’s biggest weaknesses, especially once you get past the four lead playmakers, Smart, and the two centers. Brad Wanamaker has been a reliable backup point guard and rookie Grant Williams offers an intriguing defensive skill set, but teams will help off both to shrink the floor in the postseason. We already know Semi Ojeleye can’t shoot, though he can at least bug Antetokounmpo for a few minutes. Robert Williams is a total unknown, as is Vincent Poirier. Romeo Langford and Javonte Green have been intriguing in limited minutes, but I need to see more. There’s also Tacko Fall, and ... nope, it’s not happening.

But rotations shorten in the playoffs, especially for teams like Boston that can use their front-line players to prop up bench units. It’d be nice if the Celtics had one more reliable rotation player, but they should be able to get by even if just one of the above players can pop in any given game. After all, one positive to all the injuries to the starters is that they’ve given these young bench players more experience in the regular season.

So yes, depth is certainly an issue, especially compared to Milwaukee’s bench mob. But the Celtics should be able to compensate in the playoffs if they dial up their starters’ minutes.

Ultimately, the biggest case against Boston is simple: they don’t have LeBron James, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Anthony Davis, or Kawhi Leonard. Tatum is emerging as a superstar, but he’s not on that level and may never be. Perhaps that’s all you need to hear to downplay Boston’s chances.

But outside of that, Boston has all the bona fides of a true title contender. They win consistently by a lot, they regularly beat good teams, and they are balanced on both sides of the ball.

In a transitional year like this that lacks a dynastic team like the Heatles or Light Years Warriors, the Celtics have as much as shot as any of the three more obvious favorites. Dismiss them at your own peril.

[conordakidd]

BCT

I’m en route to Fort Benning and I guess it’s a good time to write down everything that happened at Basic Combat Training (BCT). On my first attempt I tried writing everything that happened from the very first day of leaving and realized that a large percentage of it wasn’t interesting and it was taking too much time. So I guess I’ll just condense it and try to jot down the important stuff.

So after waiting , delays at the airport and more waiting I arrived at Fort Jackson and taken to Reception which is a certain place on the base for incoming recruits where we were assigned to dormitories and given our PT uniform and camelbacks. The first five days we woke up super early -around 0330/0400- and proceeded to get shots, uniforms and our first buzz cut. Most of the time we would march around in groups getting issued gear and then at certain parts of the day go to the DFAC for food. It wasn’t really that hot where we were and I was like hey, It’s not that bad. Finally we were done with Reception and boarded a bus with all our issued stuff in a laundry bag that we carried onto the bus and our duffel that was stowed onto another truck. A drill sergeant was on the bus, started screaming at us to put our head into our laundry bag when we sat down and to shut up. You are thinking a million thoughts with the first one being, what is going on? All of a sudden you pull up,the drill sergeant starts screaming at you to get off with your bag and you run down this long street with everybody in your face yelling at you and it is complete pandemonium as everybody is trying to get down the street. The drill sergeants were completely on you foreverything you did wrong. And it was like the entire Red phase where they were on top of you and all sorts of rules were enforced. It definitely sucked in the sense that you got treated like a dumbass 18 year old -which there were plenty of- and had to dumb stuff like run to a place right after lunch and get a pinecone and bring it back. We dove into things pretty quick, probably one of the first few days at basic we picked up the remaining gear we needed and couldn’t bring from reception such as IOTV (bulletproof vest) MOPP gear (chemical top and bottom) rucksack and got issued a gas mask that we would have to carry on us for FTX (Field Training Exercises ( {Anvil,Hammer, Forge} ) and daily training. In our company, which I was in Charlie 3-60th, we split into four platoons in alphabetical order and I wound up in 3rd platoon with “R”. We originally had 3 Drill Sergeants assigned to the daily management of our platoon, SDS Connelango, DS Deck and DS Allen. Connelango was a Ranger who was making his way up the NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) pipeline and would leave less than halfway to take a First Sergeant position, Deck was a Sergeant First Class and was originally was Infantry/Ranger and DS Allen, well to be honest I don’t know much about her since she changed platoons in about the first week but she seemed nice. Our platoon was about 50/50 guys and girls, the majority 18-22 who were doing National Guard or trying to do this as a 20 year career. It definitely was a different dynamic having a lot of girls because it definitely changes the mindset or thought process of why you are going into the military. I never expected to meet someone in the service, and still dont, which delayed me from committing 3.5 years to the military. But it definitely changes things as it goes to being “this is your job.focus.” To social hour mindset which people noticeably followed victim to.

Week 1

First week was a rough introduction to basic. The first three days consisted of endless correction training aka getting “smoked” where you did all these exercises in a row that at times went on for more than an hour. PT which was something different all together, began at 0530 lasted about 1 hour depending on the activity, and would rotate between pull-up exercises on a bar to running on a track. You have to do all these cool exercises like the prone row where you had lie prone on your bellyand push your hands back before the main event exercises of pull-ups or running. If it was a running day good lord. That meant you were doing the stretches on a black track with topographical features. Others would call it a parking lot with rubble and a major depression in it blocked off, but #perspective .

We didn’t take a shower the first night we were there which definitely made me worried and very sweaty, but we eventually got to shower and privileges to the laundry machine which made an interesting time when all we had was sweaty gear. I didn’t think it was fun, maybe other people did I didnt. we got our gear and got tutorials on how to install it and put it all together. I’m terrible with small basic technical stuff like putting together an army bed so it definitely was a struggle and a lot of peer review from the people next to me. We got our gear set and it was ready to go.

Week 2

The second week we pretty much dove into things, which I guess is to be expected with a program that has only 9/10 weeks in it. First we went to the Gas Chamber which was a about 2 miles from barracks with a ruck and some weight on our back. We learned some fundamentals about a chemical attack and what not to do and then went into a gas chamber that had CS gas on the room with our gas mask. Mine really didn’t seal all the way or was too large because the moment I stepped in starting messing with my eyes just a little but there wasn’t really anything I could do about it. We did some exercises once we got into the chamber including wallsits and foot fires where you jumped up and down just trying to get some cardio going. We ended up taking off our mask for a couple seconds and immediately you could barely breath, the gas filling up your lungs and making your eyes tear. You had to wait in line to get out and it took a couple minutes outside with fresh air for everything to get back to normal. Everybody was like o yeah that was so easy but I personally thought it was challenging.

Next that weekend was Victory Tower which was this giant fortress looking contraption that had all these ropes and walls that you shimmied up and down in various manners and eventually did one of those rappel type things down a wooden wall. All of it was doable and everybody had to do as a graduation requirement, it was the waiting, anticipation and waiting in line that made it anxiety inducing. You would laugh and be like really if you saw the Tower but it becomes bigger and harder from below the longer you wait and then you realize it wasn’t that bad or bad at all it was the buildup or thinking that made it that much worse.

The last thing we did worth mentioning that week was Fit to Win, which was an obstacle course. It wasn’t that far from battalion so we had to walk there with our rucksacks and it looked like it was about to rain and to me, rain=cool so I was hoping and praying that it was going to rain and it would be somewhat of an interesting walk. Let me tell you this. When it looks like it’s going to rain in South Carolina it’s not. I take that back but there’s a 90% chance that the sun is going to break through and it’s going to be fucking hot. That’s exactly what happened that day where we covered our rucksacks with the tarp we brought and then maybe 30 minutes after we put it down the sun started to come through and try to murder us with intensive UV rays for the entire day. The obstacle course wasn’t bad it had kind of what you would expect to a elementary school to have. Monkey bars where I popped something in my shoulder, a waking balance beam, a cargo net and some other little obstacles that made it vaguely interesting to go through. And again, it was hot.

Week 3

It was either week 3 or week 4 things started to get a little more psychologically challenging. It really wasn’t the activities that started to get to me but the heat and being stuck with a group of people talking in formation about things that either you didn’t care for or didn’t want to talk about and realizing that there was a nice chunk of time at basic. Someone actually made a countdown timer in SECONDS of when graduation was gonna happen. Things like I just didn’t want to hear. But it was finally time to embark on our first Field Training Exercise (FTX) “The Hammer”. Basically we would march 5 miles with a rucksack & M4 to a campsite, dig what would amount to a liveable hole in the ground, and basically practiced simulations of drills we would later conduct. We were in a shaded area most of the time so it really wasn’t that bad. At night, everybody else’s drill sergeants would fuck with them by making them amounted to stop drop and roll type drills😬. Our platoon was let’s just say in flux as our Senior Drill Sergeant got promoted, DS Deck and DS Allen were on “training leave” for a week and a half and DS Shimer who would eventually be our DS had all of 1 day underneath his belt. So all night long we just chilled, some of us with the anticipation of getting fucked with. We didn’t and probably should of just went to bed. When you went to get water in the middle of the night all you heard in the distance was all the stop/drop commands and you were like ooooh. In the real early part of the morning they got us up and smoked us all. I was the back dogging it because I was hungry and I was like can we stop this dumb shit and all of sudden the DS comes starts yelling behind me so I’m like ooh maybe I should start planking for real but apparently she was going after this girl who was like crumpling next me and I was just like ooh the sight and sounds of basic.

Additionally, we started to go to the ranges with our M4 and started to zero our weapons “on ironsights”. Zeroing is the process of aligning your weapon to shoot straight and “on ironsights” is the method of optics your going to aim. Theres a straight tip at the end of your weapon that you used and try to get a straight shot. There’s a lot of corrections and feedback that comes through the whole process and it’s a long day of just shooting and trying to get a weapon that you know is aiming straight on qualification day. It was a super frustrating process there was a limited of time and instruction and you were just thrown in the fire. At the range it was definitely anxiety inducting that I wasn’t gonna get it. But what bothered most was not really having a way to fix it. Because we were a big class, the majority of us didn’t get individualized attention and it wasn’t like we could go on YouTube or call a pro in to help ourselves. In a lot of ways, we were at the mercy at our level of preparation coming in or just good luck.

Week 4

Week 4 picked up pretty much where it ended, trying to zero+group for our M4. This week tho we spent one day at LOMA Range which had actual targets 300 meters away instead of the shooting at pieces of papers that had a super small target in the middle and was proportional sized to represent 300 meters. While I had my hopes up that I would finally zero as this was allegedly easier, I was still super worried that it wasn’t gonna happen. I didn’t know or remember all of the techniques they were talking about and it wasn’t like I was really being helped. O well. On my first attempt it was still a mess and didn’t zero. It was a good range though in terms of shade and temperature and I was trying to pry tips from drill sergeants, so things were working in my favor and I was trying to make it happen. The problem though was that every round of shooting was followed by a 2-3 hour break as other people went to shoot. It was insanely frustrating and not a good feeling. The waiting and sucking wasn’t a good combination. Finally, on the second round I finally zeroed. The coach I had gave me some useful corrections and I somehow managed to get it together. It was a relief because this would be the hardest section of shooting and to get it off my shoulders was big. The second thing we did that of importance was prequalify on ironsights were we went to a range where little signs popped up and we shot them from three different positions. The prone supported, where we lied on our stomach and had the weapon resting on sandbags for 20 shots, the prone unsupported where we lied on our stomach and shot with a sandbag on the magazine for 10 shots and the kneeling where we took a knee and shot for 10. The whole idea behind prequalify was to determine the position you would go during qualifying, even though it didn’t really matter as everybody was going to go, just the people most likely to qualify first would get it out of the way. I didn’t do as bad as I thought I was going to but still didnt qualify. I even had to suffer through a smoke session a very hot one I might add where we had to point, squat down with the weapon still pointing straight and then get in the prone over and over again but I wasn’t worried as I was before. I had a little more breathing room and had a lot of time to qualify.

Week 5

This was the week of qualifying and the anxiety -whether real or imagined- was back. Qualifying would entail going to a range and having to hit targets at different distances 300,250,200,150,100 and 50 and would pop up at different times, sometimes two at a times. Same deal as pre-qual, but this time it counted in order to check the graduation requirement list of qualifying on a M4. It was a long day and to make a long boring story it played out pretty much like the zeroing process went. Didn’t make it-anxiety-waiting-anxiety-last go around make it. It was a good feeling and while the range broke down on the last time I went, and I probably got passed through on a technical error, it still felt good to get it done. After that, we attached a giant scope on top of the M4 called a CCO and began to zero on that later in the week. A CCO is different than ironsights in the sense that it aimed with a red dot in middle and the whole purpose of zeroing was to make sure that that red dot was aligned correctly. Even for me this was not a problem as all you had to do was point the red dot straight and you would hit the target. Instead of being stressed out about making it through, my partner discussed Lamar Jackson and how he was doing in the NFL. It felt good to finally to have non stress day.

Week 6

Week 6 was were it started picking up as we well past being halfway done and there stuff in our immediate future that I didn’t want to do. First there was prequalification and qualification on CCO’s which I’m not going to bore anybody with and “The Anvil” which to me was the hardest thing we did as a platoon. It was three days and two nights and it’s was basically a longer version of “the hammer” but this time our Drill Sergeants straight up smoked us at the most random times of the night and had us doing high crawls and low crawls (look it up, it sucks) on both Asphalt and sand. The MRE’s that I was getting to eat were not filling me up and I was operating on straight will, as I was soo hungry. We had to do land navigation the last full day of the FTX and I was in straight zombie-mail it in mode as I was hungry and in no mood or condition to be a explorer at that very moment. Where there is a will there is way. And actually, on our way to land navigation this young looking guy in a drill sergeants uniform starts yelling at us as we (perhaps just me) are trekking on water and maybe an energy bar and we are like who is this guy. It turns out it’s our new Drill Sergeant Vork whose taglinw through basic who would be “ Cheese + Rice” whenever somebody did something ridiculous. Interesting guy. But I got through it and somehow made it back to the CTA in one piece. Uncomfortable but I did it.

Things got really fun but at the same time really hot. It was early October but the sun was still beaming. The week before we got a preview for our FTX that it was going to be 98 at The ANvil and while It wasn’t that hot for it, Week 7 was definitely hotter so it was inthe 90’s at the very least. We had two events on the calendar for the week as usual being Buddy Team Live Fire and Omaha, both of which turned out to be really fun and totally worth sitting in the heat (at times) for. Buddy Team Live Fire was essentially a quick 2v2 paintball in your neighbors backyard with 🌲 ‘s, some barrels, a mini Bunker with rocks and we were shooting with specialized ammo that exploded upon impact and generally left a black and blue . Offense would start out on patrol and take fire from an dug defense team and the whole point was to practice the cover/fire drills we did on the FTX, just now simulated with actual fire. It didn’t go as smoothly when I went on offense as one of the people on defense failed to retreat so my partner basically surrounded her and then we opened fire and then when we were on defense my opponent’s cover was this skinny tree with no branches and I was behind this giant cement wall just waiting and let’s just say I won that battle as well 🤣.

Omaha was basically the structured version of Buddy Team as you were practicing covering and moving but this time there moving targets instead of people, your were using real ammo and had to follow a strict protocol of movement while lying in the prone being behind small wooden walls. Basically you covered your partner by returning fire, he moved up and then started firing, and then at that point you got up and moved to the next stage. There was some stuff to remember as you always had to have your weapon on safe as you ran and there were proper routes and positions to take, but for the most part it was pretty simple. At the very end you got to throw a grenade and then duck and take cover. It was pretty fun and glad to complete a graduation requirement without a hitch or stress.

Week 8

Week 8 was the week of the big Kahuna, the granddaddy of em all, the Mountain 🏔 of Mountains, “The Forge”. I’m not completely positive of what the Forge was intended to be other than a culminating event which I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ what that even means but it was the last graduation requirement and probably viewed as the hardest. We were going to do our night programs/exercises at night and sleep for part of the day which ended up making a lot of sense because of the level of conditioning/exercise involved. We left the first day at around mmm I want to say 330 in the morning and did a 10 mile rucks with breaks in then middle to campsite where made our Hastings, ate breakfast and I took a little nap to get some rest. We did some FTX’s which were awful as they were FTX’s and I really wasn’t interested in doing them. After that, we got ready for the Night Interval Course (NIC) where we were going to low crawl underneath barbed wire with a machine gun firing above us. While it turned out not to be that bad, as I just low crawled the entire way it had gotten a lot of hype and seemed to be really tough. We had heard the M240B going off during the Hammer 🔨 and that thing was loud. So after a really quick walk we get there and have to wait for a decent while, and then finally we start moving. We walk along this fence for a while where we end up at the entrance of an obstacle course which we ended up going through in the darkness of night. It finally came to an end after just lowing through a tonnage of sand and you come out to this area after running through dark foliage and there’s all these IOTV vests laid out and second platoon who had finished the course just before us. We put on the vests, line up and are lead to this trench where we line up and there’s no official start to NIC, people just start climbing the wall after they hear machine gun fire. After climbing the wall and low crawling 💯 meters in which I see nothing but sand and barbed wire, I emerge from the pit. It’s a crazy metabolic workout as you go 100 meters under barbed wire as fast as you can with a 20lb weight vest and all your tactical gear. While everybody wants the first night to be over, it’s not. We have to team carry a 175lb (it said it was that heavy, it wasn’t but it still was heavy) two boxes and water jugs 2 miles to our next campsite. It was a struggle to say the least. But we finally get there and we just go to 🛌. Over the next two days it followed that same routine of doing FTX in the mid dayish and then doing our traveling with our boxes. We did combatives, pugle stick fighting, relay races and other stuff during the night which finally culminated in a soldier ceremony where we got our berets and removed this blue patch on our left ocp top with the “US ARMY” patch showing that barring us doing something really dumb between then and graduation 👩‍🎓 we were going to be soldiers.

Week 9&10

After the Forge, there was a massive drop in activity and intensity. There wasn’t really more for us to do or requirements to get so we ended up doing a whole lot of nothing. We unceremoniously handed in our M4’s (not like I expected a little bugle boy to accompany us when we did but still) and 6.49 lbs of weight that had to accompany us practically everywhere was gone. The day before graduation, one of the DS makes us all grab sand bags and start doing workouts and running back and forth to the cattle gate with it in our ha. Tough.At the very end of my time at basic, my parents showed up for Family Day and Graduation and it was nice to see them. We went out to dinner, among other things and begrudgingly had to go to in my ASU uniform, which was my nice dress gear that made use wear for graduation. On the last day we spent the entire day and I mean the entire day packing and cleaning and then got rounded up on to coach buses headed to all our perspective places.

I don’t have a romantic view of BCT because the whole experience was butt, BUT you felt like you did something to earn that US Patch. Funny way to put it because I was constantly being accused of not doing anything by 18 year girls. (Untrue)

By the time I finished this, I am no longer en route to Fort Benning but rather in my second week at Fort Benning waiting to “class up” trying to get into a class. So many people, not enough slots. Gotta work on my pushups. And sit-ups. Working on land navigation and trying not to completely get lost when the time comes. also excuse the run on sentences, and punctuation etc. written on iPhone notes while on the go. Let’s gooo

[amplia-mente]

Hola a todos estimados lectores, como un año más y llegados a estas fechas, desde amplia-mente.com creemos necesario un descanso veraniego, tanto para nosotros como para ustedes. Como ya saben de años anteriores, a partir de ahora y hasta el mes de Septiembre, iremos publicando artículos de la última temporada que hayan tenido un impacto importante en nuestro blog. Hoy iniciamos esta serie con un artículo publicado en Enero acerca de las muertes por asfixia y las novedades en su investigación. Disfruten del verano.

Hello to all dear readers, as another year and arrived at these dates, from amplia-mente.com we believe necessary a summer break, both for us and for you. As you know from previous years, from now until September, we will be publishing articles from the last season that have had an important impact on our blog. Today we start this series with an article published in January about asphyxia deaths and news in its research. Enjoy the summer.

Novedades en el estudio de las muertes por asfixias

Una de las situaciones más frecuentes en el trabajo diario del Médico Forense son las muertes por asfixias, ya sean suicidas, accidentales u homicidas. Las más frecuentes de ellas son las ahorcaduras suicidas, de las que tenemos suficiente experiencia y en muchas ocasiones no pensamos que puede haber ninguna novedad en su estudio. Sin embargo esto no es así y podemos llevarnos sorpresas con las diferentes líneas de investigación existentes en estos temas.

Updates on the research on asphyxial deaths

One of the most frequent situations in the daily work of the Medical Examiner are death by asphyxiation, whether suicidal, accidental or homicidal. The most frequent of these are suicidal hangings, of which we have sufficient experience and on many occasions we do not think that there may be any novelty in their study. However, this is not the case and we may be surprised by the different lines of research existing in these subjects.

Hoy queremos hacer referencia a dos artículos recientemente publicados en las revistas científicas de nuestra especialidad, en concreto en la Forensic Science, Medicine and Pathology. El primero de ellos es el titulado «Death by hanging: a retrospective case-control investigation of the intervertebral disc vacuum phenomenon on PMCT«, resultado de las investigaciones de un grupo de Médicos Forenses Suizos. En este artículo se recoge como tras un ahorcamiento, el traumatismo sufrido y la posible degeneración de los discos intervertebrales, se puede producir un vacío en el interior de dichos discos, produciéndose un acúmulo de gas en los mismos y que en función del tipo de ahorcadura, se produce esta acumulación de gas en la zona central o en la zona periférica del disco. Para ello se realizaron TAC a 72 fallecidos por ahorcadura y se compararon con un grupo control. La ubicación central de dicho vacío, aumenta la probabilidad de que el ahorcamiento sea completo, mientras que el aumento de la edad y los cambios degenerativos reducen esta probabilidad.

Today we want to refer to two articles recently published in the scientific journals of our specialty, specifically in the Forensic Science, Medicine and Pathology. The first is entitled «Death by hanging: a retrospective case-control investigation of the intervertebral disc vacuum phenomenon on PMCT«, the result of investigations by a group of Swiss Medical Examiners. In this article it is collected how after a hanging, the trauma suffered and the possible degeneration of the intervertebral discs, a vacuum can be produced inside these discs, producing an accumulation of gas in them and depending on the type of hanging, this accumulation of gas is produced in the central area or in the peripheral area of the disc. For this purpose, TACs were taken of 72 people who died by hanging and compared with a control group. The central location of this vacuum increases the probability that the hanging is complete, while increasing age and degenerative changes reduce this probability.

Por otro lado, han intentado comparar la presencia de este vacío en el espacio del disco intervertebral con la presencia de la hemorragia de Simon, cuyo origen, si bien se supone que podría ser consecuencia de las contracciones que se producen tras la muerte por la suspensión, este a veces aparece en muertes que no tienen este origen. Se pudo establecer que la presencia de esta hemorragia de Simon está más presente en aquellos casos donde aparece la burbuja de aire intradiscal en el centro y por tanto con la suspensión completa. Por tanto la combinación de una hemorragia de Simon y la presencia del vacío central en los discos intervertebrales, podría garantizar que la causa de la muerte habría sido una ahorcadura completa, en un alto tanto por ciento.

On the other hand, they have tried to compare the presence of this void in the space of the intervertebral disc with the presence of Simon’s haemorrhage, whose origin, although it is supposed to be a consequence of the contractions that occur after death from suspension, sometimes appears in deaths that do not have this origin. It could be established that the presence of this Simon’s haemorrhage is more present in those cases where the intradiscal air bubble appears in the centre and therefore with the complete suspension. Therefore, the combination of Simon’s haemorrhage and the presence of the central vacuum in the intervertebral discs could guarantee that the cause of death would have been a complete hanging, at a high percentage.

El segundo de los artículos que quiero reseñar hoy trataría de la posibilidad de comparar la práctica de la TAC o la RMN postmorten con la autopsia judicial. Para ello, los autores publican el artículo «Relevant findings on postmortem CT and postmortem MRI in hanging, ligature strangulation and manual strangulation and their additional value compared to autopsy – a systematic review» en el que realizan una revisión bibliográfica de los últimos artículos publicados en los que se han utilizado estas técnicas de imágen para ver si es posible sustituir o no la práctica de la autopsia. En sus resultados nos informan que las fracturas del hueso hioides o del cartílago tiroideo mediante TAC postmortem son más fáciles de detectar que durante la autopsia judicial. El  «signo de la burbuja de gas» descrito en las fracturas laríngeas, también son más fáciles de detectar mediante el TAC postmortem. En cuanto a la detección de las hemorragias en el tejido blando del cuello, la resonancia magnética postmortem es la más adecuada para la detección de este «signo vital» de la estrangulación.

The second of the articles we would like to review today would deal with the possibility of comparing the practice of post-mortem CT or MRI with judicial autopsy. To this end, the authors publish the article «Relevant findings on postmortem CT and postmortem MRI in hanging, ligature strangulation and manual strangulation and their additional value compared to autopsy – a systematic review» in which they carry out a bibliographic review of the latest published articles in which these imaging techniques have been used to see whether or not it is possible to replace the practice of autopsy. Their results inform us that fractures of the hyoid bone or thyroid cartilage by postmortem CT are easier to detect than during judicial autopsy. The «gas bubble sign» described in laryngeal fractures are also easier to detect by postmortem CT. In terms of detecting bleeding in the soft tissue of the neck, postmortem MRI is best suited for detecting this «vital sign» of strangulation.

Sin embargo, la detección de gas dentro del tejido blando del cuello tras la asfixia por suspensión, se aprecia durante la autopsia tan bien como si se realizan previamente técnicas de imágen. Además, los investigadores describen como el número de TAC o RMN que se realizan a estos cadáveres es mínimo en relación al número de autopsias practicadas, bien por problemas técnicos o bien por la inexistencia de este aparataje en los Institutos de Medicina Legal (lo que nos ocurriría a nosotros en España). Los autores concluyen que los casos de accidentes u homicidios, la autopsia combinada con la histología y la toxicología deben ser los exámenes principales. La especificidad y la sensibilidad de estas muestras no son de suficiente nivel como para evitar la práctica de la autopsia judicial, sino que más bien, y como hemos dicho en múltiples ocasiones desde amplia-mente.com, pueden ayudar a llegar a determinadas conclusiones.

However, the detection of gas within the soft tissue of the neck after suspension asphyxiation is seen during autopsy as well as if imaging techniques were previously performed. In addition, researchers describe how the number of CT or MRI scans performed on these corpses is minimal in relation to the number of autopsies performed, either because of technical problems or because of the non-existence of this device in the Institutes of Legal Medicine (which would happen to us in Spain). The authors conclude that cases of accidents or homicides, autopsy combined with histology and toxicology should be the main examinations. The specificity and sensitivity of these samples are not of sufficient level to avoid the practice of judicial autopsy, but rather, and as we have said on multiple occasions from amplia-mente.com, can help to reach certain conclusions.

As we can see, in a subject as hackneyed as mechanical asphyxias (by hanging or strangulation) we do not know everything, but there are still groups of researchers who try to make things easier for us and continue researching in this field. However, the material means required to apply these techniques are unfortunately not yet within our reach. We will remain attentive to research and await the necessary technical means.

Como vemos, en un tema tan manido como las asfixias mecánicas (por ahorcaduras o estrangulación) no lo conocemos todo, si no que siguen existiendo grupos de investigadores que tratan de hacernos las cosas más fáciles y siguen investigando en este campo. Sin embargo, los medios materiales que se requieren para aplicar estas técnicas, por desgracia aún no están a nuestro alcance. Seguiremos atentos a las investigaciones y esperando los medios técnicos necesarios.

[ryqoshay]

How to Handle a Nico: ... Another Opens

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Assumed Paring: TsubaHono Words: ~2.2k Rating: K Time Frame: Some time while Maki is still in college but after Nico has graduated. Story Arc: "A Career Change" When One Door Closes... ... Another Opens

List of all HtHaN scenes

Nico opened her eyes slowly. What time was it? Not like it mattered, really, as she wasn’t going to work today. She sighed as a pang of depression tugged at her consciousness. She knew her friends meant well and would do everything they could to support her if she decided to move forward with the plan to start her own idol production company. However, part of her was still working through the trauma of her shattered dreams and wasn’t quite ready to move on just yet.

Nico started to sit up so she could fetch her phone from the nightstand, but found herself held down by an arm draped across her stomach. The movement caused the owner of said arm to stir a little in her sleep and murmur something unintelligible before snuggling closer. Nico couldn’t help but smile. At least one of her fears had been mostly abated; she hadn’t lost Maki. She was still concerned about how her girlfriend would handle the hate mail and despicable things her former fans might do. But, if Maki’s behavior thus far was any indication, she was quite determined to keep their relationship alive and well. And that fact alone went a long way in helping improve Nico’s mood.

Gently, Nico removed Maki’s arm and reached over to her phone. Just as she was about to touch the device, it went off. Nico recoiled in surprise, but recovered quickly and answered the call.

“Nico-chan?!” Hanayo’s voice came on the line.

“Hey, Hanayo.” Nico greeted, sitting up.

“Hire me.” The younger girl’s voice was firm.

Nico recognized the tone as the one typically reserved for all things idol related. Had she heard about the plans for the new idol agency? How… no… Nico shook her head, she knew how; Nozomi. Apparently the meddlesome girl wasn’t going to wait for Nico to make up her mind and had already set about gathering more support.

“Come again?” Nico found herself asking.

“Hire me.” Hanayo repeated. “You’re opening an idol agency, right?”

“I’ve agreed to consider it…” the former idol admitted.

“Well I think it’s a good idea and I would like to help. Please hire me.”

“Nico-cha~n…” A quite voice whined as arms wrapped around the raven-haired girl and a chin plopped down on her shoulder.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Nico-chan, a-am I interrupting something?”

“No, no…” Nico found herself laughing a little. “Maki-chan is just sleep-glomping me again. She’s surprisingly clingy when she’s asleep…” she winced “but don’t tell her I just said that.”

Hanayo laughed as well. “Alright…”

“Anyway, don’t you still have a year left in college?”

“Well, yes, but…” the college student paused. “Internship!” she suddenly blurted. “You can hire me as an intern!”

“Does working for a one-person production company qualify for an intern credit?”

“I’ll check!” Hanayo’s voice returned to her determined idol mode. “And I’ll change my major to a business degree so I can help you with accounting and other things like that.”

“You don’t…”

“I want to.”

Nico pursed her lips as she thought.  This was arguably the most determined she had seen Hanayo, or heard, or whatever. And it was for her sake. “Alright, fine.” She conceded after a moment. “If I go through with this, I will take you up on your offer. But intern or not, I’m paying you for your work. I’m running a business, not a charity. And I won’t hear otherwise.”

“Thank you, Nico-chan.” Hanayo’s voice returned to her normal, gentler tone.

“Yeah…”

“I look forward to working with you.”

“Same here, Hanayo.” Nico replied with a smile. “I’ll keep you posted on the details.”

“Let me know if there is anything I can help with, even getting things set up.”

“I will. Don’t worry. Thank you Hanayo.”

“Thank you, Nico-chan.”

Nico ended the call, still smiling. She hadn’t even fully committed to the idea herself, much less implemented anything, and she already had an investor and an employee. And both were probably more enthusiastic about the prospect than her.

She was just about to lay down again to mull over the new development when her phone rang again. Checking the ID, she blinked as she saw a number she had not expected.

“Hello, Tsubasa?” Nico asked, answering the call.

“Good morning, Nico.” The voice of the leader of A-RISE came over the line.

Out of the corner of her eye, Nico could see Maki’s face scrunch up and she tightened her embrace a little, but didn’t wake up. The raven-haired girl held back a laugh. Even after two years, Maki still held some jealousy towards the adoration Nico showed for A-RISE, specifically the group’s leader. Consciously, the redhead was usually able to suppress the emotions, but she was obviously less guarded when asleep.

“Honoka-chan tells me you’re looking to start an idol production agency.” Tsubasa was saying, returning Nico’s attention back to the conversation at hand.

“The subject has come up…” Nico admitted. Geez, Nozomi was busy this morning.

“You’re going to go up against some large and well established companies.”

“Independent agents have been successful in the sports industry.” Nico repeated something she had heard her roommate mention the previous night. “Maybe I can do the same in the idol industry.”

“So you intend to go it alone?”

“Apparently, I’ve already got an investor and an employee.”

“How about a partner?”

“A what?” Nico blinked.

“A partner.” Tsubasa repeated. “Name on the wall. Corner office. Business partner.”

“I… uhm… don’t think I have one of those, yet.”

“Do you want one?”

Nico’s mind spun. Was Tsubasa offering what she thought she was offering? “I… uhm…” Was all she could get out.

“Because this sounds like an amazing opportunity and I want in.” Nico could hear excitement in the other girl’s voice. “You know I wanted to tour with you, right? I’m pretty sure I mentioned that at a reunion or two.”

“Yeah…”

“But this might give us a different way to work together. And the timing is interesting as well.”

“Oh?”

“Erena, Anju and I were actually talking about the possibility of A-RISE taking a brief hiatus so I could spend some time with Honoka-chan and not be on tour all the time. One suggestion they made was forming their own subgroup and doing some local work during that time. Were I to join your new company, I could still stay active in the industry.”

“It will be a lot of work.” Nico pointed out.

“True, but it can stay local. I can still have my nights with Honoka-chan instead of being in another city, hundreds of kilometers away.” She paused. “And Erena and Anju could be our first clients!” She added cheerfully.

An investor, an employee, a partner and a client all in less than half a day. The silver lining just continued to grow. And she wasn’t even registered or anything. Still… “I think I’ll have to speak with my investor first…” Nico mused.

“Is it Maki?”

“Yeah…” Was it that obvious?

“That’s fine. Honestly, I think we should all meet, even your prospective employee. It’s Hanayo,right?”

“Yes, it’s Hanayo. And that might be a good idea.”

“Great. I’ll set up a LINE chatroom and send out invites.”

“Uhm, Nozomi and Eli have offered to give business advice based on what they’ve learned running their restaurant.”

“I’ll invite them as well, then.”

“Alright.”

“You know, Nico, I really think this will be a good thing. We have an unprecedented opportunity to break away from the standards of the industry and really do things our own way. And with our combined star power, we’ll be a force to be reckoned with. I’m really looking forward to it.”

“Yeah, me too.” Nico agreed, honestly starting to feel a bit of enthusiasm as well.

“So we’ll see you on LINE then later.”

“Yeah, see you.”

Again, Nico ended a call smiling. A chance to work with A-RISE; specifically, they wanted to work with her. And Tsubasa had a point, combining their fan bases would be powerful indeed. Eli had been right last night in pointing out that a surprisingly high percentage of her fans had remained loyal despite the scandal. And A-RISE’s fanbase was… A-RISE’s fanbase. A-RISE’s fanatically devoted fanbase, of which she herself was a part. Maybe this plan had a bigger chance of success than she originally thought.

Considering the circumstances of the previous day, Nico found herself in higher spirits than she would otherwise expect. And good moods called for teasing.

“Maki-chan,” She cooed, reaching up to poke her girlfriend’s nose, “it’s time to wake up.”

“Mmmm…” the redhead stirred before tightening her embrace. “Don’ wanna…”

“But this position makes it hard for Nico to kiss you.” The raven-haired girl said in a sing-song voice.

Maki’s eyes fluttered open as she immediately loosened her arms and shifted her own position. Nico laughed before twisting around so she could give the mentioned kiss.

“Feeling better then?” Maki asked as she pulled away after a moment, her voice laced with drowsiness.

“Yeah.” Nico couldn’t suppress her smile if she tried. “You just missed some calls. Hanayo wants me to hire her, Tsubasa wants to be my business partner and bring on Anju and Erena as our first clients.” When Maki made a similar expression from when Nico first answered Tsubasa’s call, Nico’s smile turned into a smirk. “Is my little Maki-chan jealous?” she teased.

The redhead pouted but didn’t respond.

“She’s just going to be a business partner.” Nico assured, pulling her girlfriend in for a hug and planting a quick kiss on her cheek. “I think it will be a boon for both the company and your investment in it.”

“I know…” Maki admitted quietly.

“Well I’ve said it before and I’ll say it as many times as it takes to make sure you believe it; Nico-nii may belong to everyone, even Tsubasa, but I, Yazawa Nico, belong only to you, Nishikino Maki.”

“Mmm…” The younger girl hummed, nuzzling closer. “My Nico-chan…” she murmured.

“My possessive Maki-chan.” Nico nuzzled back. “So I guess we’re really going to try this. I’m going to be counting on you and Nozomi to make sure I don’t have some sort of panic attack from excitement or something, because honestly my heart rate is already way too high.”

“Mmm… I can feel it.” Maki replied. “That’s not just because you’ll be working with A-RISE, is it?”

Nico rolled her eyes before gently swatting her girlfriend on the forehead.

“But I think you’ll be fine, Nico-chan.” The redhead continued, unfazed by the strike.  “I have faith in you. You’ve always said that the idol industry is more about who you know than what you know. And you know a lot of people who will likely support you.”

“I guess it’s true that when one door closes, another opens, huh?” Nico mused.

“You know that’s not…” Maki yawned “the whole quote, right?”

“Huh?”

“Alexander Graham Bell is credited with having said, ‘When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.’”

Nico wrinkled her nose. “That doesn’t sound anywhere near as positive.”

“It’s supposed to be a reminder to not focus so much on opportunities we’ve already missed that we end up missing more when they come along.” Maki explained. “So in this case, while it’s alright to feel bad about the scandal for a while, we can’t let it make us hesitant to move forward with this new opportunity.”

Nico tugged at a few strands of red hair.

“Wha…?” the owner of the hair protested.

“Just making sure that’s not a wig covering your real hair, Nozomi.” The raven-haired girl smirked.

“I, Noz… uh, hmph!” Maki turned her head in such a way that it pulled her hair out of Nico’s grasp. “I learned that way back in high school. You probably would have learned it as well had you paid closer attention to your classes.”

“Nico is sorry she didn’t pay as much attention as the super intelligent, all-knowing Maki.” The older girl stuck out her tongue.

Maki snorted a little. Nico responded with a giggle. A moment later, they were both laughing. How bad could things really be if they were able to laugh and tease each other?

“So,” Nico held up her signature gesture, “I guess I’ll have to change my title from the No.1 Idol in the Universe to the No. 1 CEO in the Universe.”

Maki closed her eyes and shook her head. “Idiot…”

“You love it.”

“Maybe…”

Nico was about to reply when she was interrupted by a fairly loud growl coming from Maki’s stomach. Instead, she laughed again, causing the redhead to blush. “Alright, alright,” she finally said, “I’ll make breakfast.” She slipped out of her girlfriend’s arms, and hopped off the bed. Turning, she smiled and offered a hand to the other girl. “C’mon, let’s go eat.”

“Alright…” Maki accepted the hand and allowed the older girl to lead her to the table. Thoughts of the new production company were quickly replaced by the anticipation of the delicious meal she knew Nico would be preparing soon.